So I have been MIA for oh, a year or more, sheesh. I wasn't eating raw, so I stopped coming by. But I have heard the siren call of all the beautiful, living food I had been eating, and missed the positive, uplifting people I "met" here. So I'm back, with a "raw as I can" plan. Simply put, I am going to go as raw as possible, planning for raw, preparing for raw, but not stressing if I don't manage 100% raw, as long as I stay 100% healthy. So a bite or two of tofu or some steamed veggies once in a while? YES. Snickers bar? NO.
While I was out, I did manage to accomplish a few valuable things:
1. I gave up soda pop, and carbonated beverages of all kinds.
2. I gave up artificial sweeteners, aka, aspertame, splenda, the devil, etc.
3. I gave up fast food, in every form.
That was last year, November 2009. I am a compulsive eater (recovering, now) and fast food had been my absolute downfall of an addiction. I'd go several times a day, at my worst. I had a hard time even passing one by. Do you know how hard that is to confess to a group as healthy as this one? But it is my past, and I own it. I am in extreme gratitude that it is, in fact, the past, and not my reality now.
4. I released 50 lbs
(Or more, haven't weighed in for a while, it was 50 last time I checked but the clothes are getting baggier. I had added back some weight before losing it, as was my way, so I am right around the same weight I was last time I did the first 30 days of the 100 Day Challenge.)
5. I gave up caffeine.
(That one scared me. I loved ice tea, loved it! I drank it all year 'round, unsweetened, by the gallon, literally. I also liked foofie coffee drinks that were really desserts, like caramel frappacinos with extra caramel. I had a lot of fear about detoxing off caffeine, like that I would have a horrible migraine or be utterly exhausted. Actually, I had no problems at all. Yay! Now my preferred beverage is ice-cold water. I will occasionally have an herbal tea, though.)
Then, this year:
6. I gave up sugar.
That one is hard, man. I have to pray daily to keep away from that one, and to keep myself honest about it. At first, I'd take a spoonful of peanut butter, NOT the natural kind, and I know it was to get at the sugar. I am also staying away from desserts, other than fruit. For now, I am not having honey or raw agave syrup either, again, just to be honest about the fact that they are really just slightly healthier versions of sugar. I fear they'd be gateway drugs, and I can't risk my "food sobriety" at this point.
7. I gave up meat.
I am so happy about that! I have vegetarian kids, and haven't made meat for them for 12 yrs. But my parents and all the rest of my family are all meat-eaters and every holiday, I would cheat and eat the meat. I would cheat and go out to fast food all while being "vegetarian" at home. I would feel horrible guilt: I KNOW how bad it is for the enviroment. I KNOW that animals have souls and feelings and just want to live. I KNOW how bad it is for your health. And yet, I was weak, I was addicted, and I'd do it anyway. I cannot even adequately express how happy I am that I am done with meat, forever, by the grace of God. (Don't want to offend anyone, that is my truth. You are entitled to your truth, too.)
So I've made huge progress, and I am happy and content. I don't miss what I've given up (except the sugar, especially certain times of month, wink wink.) It is not a struggle. I do not suffer.
I am impatient. I want to release the rest of this weight, now! I want to start living life to the fullest. I still have sooooooooooo far to go. (I weigh around 350, remember.) I was exercising 5-6 days a week, but I had some hernia sugery last week so I can't get back to it yet until the doc gives me the ok, and it is killing me to have to rest and recover slowly. I want to go back to work, but it has only been a week, I know it is too soon.
So for now, I am trying to cultivate peace and patience. Now! (hee.)
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Monday, October 27, 2008
33 days- One Third of The Way
Here are my stats for Day 33, 1/3 of the way through my challenge:
Weight today: 352 lbs Weight on Day One: 379 lbs Weight released during the challenge: 27lbs
Highest Weight: 406 (Jan 2008) Total Weight Released overall: 54lbs
Today I am much more positive than I was on Friday, Day 30. I know there will be hard days on this journey. There are tough times in an endeavor worth doing. I am going to try very hard to remember that, while it can suck hard in the moment, it is just temporary. "It came to pass..." is the most frequently repeated line in the old King James bible, and to me, this is a great comfort. It cam to pass, it didn't come to stay.
One thing that can help me move out of "poor me" thinking and temptation is to count my blessings and be grateful. I am grateful for all the support of new friends, and all the friends who have always stood by me. I am super motivated by the Rawkathon. That was a huge shot in the arm for me. What awesome people this movement inspires! I especially liked the two doctors and Happy Oasis and the Raw Food Coach, and oh heck I liked everybody!!
I am energized and excited for the next 66 days. I am hoping some of the worst detox is over. My eczema and pimples have cleared up, and I just realized yesterday that my foot has not been hurting! I have had plantar facaiiatis (latin for "my freaking heel hurts all the dang time") for about 2 years. Today? I barely have a twinge. I am sleeping a lot better, too. I used to have a problem with waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep, then spending the rest of the day exhausted. Now I either get up and go to the bathroom and go right back to sleep, or sometimes I even wake up to the alarm clock having slept the whole night! Woot!
A few modifications I have made since learning more: I now have a green smoothie every morning, and three hours later I snack on fruit. After that, in the afternoon I have a HUGE salad with plenty of greens, carrots, cukes, tomato, sprouts, cauliflower, broccoli and a sprinkling of walnuts and sunflower seeds on top. For dinner I have crudite veggies dipped in guacamole or zucchini hummus. I am laying off of fancy recipes, Lara bars, and tons of nuts and seeds. (I really was eating way too much fat and fruit and hardly any veggies.) Here's to 66 more days....
Weight today: 352 lbs Weight on Day One: 379 lbs Weight released during the challenge: 27lbs
Highest Weight: 406 (Jan 2008) Total Weight Released overall: 54lbs
Today I am much more positive than I was on Friday, Day 30. I know there will be hard days on this journey. There are tough times in an endeavor worth doing. I am going to try very hard to remember that, while it can suck hard in the moment, it is just temporary. "It came to pass..." is the most frequently repeated line in the old King James bible, and to me, this is a great comfort. It cam to pass, it didn't come to stay.
One thing that can help me move out of "poor me" thinking and temptation is to count my blessings and be grateful. I am grateful for all the support of new friends, and all the friends who have always stood by me. I am super motivated by the Rawkathon. That was a huge shot in the arm for me. What awesome people this movement inspires! I especially liked the two doctors and Happy Oasis and the Raw Food Coach, and oh heck I liked everybody!!
I am energized and excited for the next 66 days. I am hoping some of the worst detox is over. My eczema and pimples have cleared up, and I just realized yesterday that my foot has not been hurting! I have had plantar facaiiatis (latin for "my freaking heel hurts all the dang time") for about 2 years. Today? I barely have a twinge. I am sleeping a lot better, too. I used to have a problem with waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep, then spending the rest of the day exhausted. Now I either get up and go to the bathroom and go right back to sleep, or sometimes I even wake up to the alarm clock having slept the whole night! Woot!
A few modifications I have made since learning more: I now have a green smoothie every morning, and three hours later I snack on fruit. After that, in the afternoon I have a HUGE salad with plenty of greens, carrots, cukes, tomato, sprouts, cauliflower, broccoli and a sprinkling of walnuts and sunflower seeds on top. For dinner I have crudite veggies dipped in guacamole or zucchini hummus. I am laying off of fancy recipes, Lara bars, and tons of nuts and seeds. (I really was eating way too much fat and fruit and hardly any veggies.) Here's to 66 more days....
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thirty Days of RAW
As of today, I have been maybe 90-95% raw for 30 days. I am very excited that I have been able to make it this far. That excitement is tempered a little though because I am having a hard time right now. I have released 20 lbs, but all of that happened in the first 3 wks and the scale has not moved for the last week. After watching some guests on Rawkathon, I am pretty sure I am eating waaaay too much nuts and seeds and avacados. Sure they're healthy, but they are meant to be a complement to a diet of fruits and veggies, and not the foundation of my diet. I am just so in mourning for the crap food I loved so much (that didn't love me back) and the brat kid in me says, "No! I love my nuts and avacados! Don't take anything else away from me. I don't wanna eat only veggies!" Of course I eat more than veggies, it is just those raw emotions coming to the surface. I am dealing with lusting after other things I can't have, or rather don't have the moola for right now. I want to get my hands on some enzymes, but alas, that takes actual cash I hear.
The last few days I am struggling to stay raw. Temptation is everywhere. I was shopping at my favorite cheap grocery store with raw organics in bulk and I smelled the devil in bread and cheese form--pizza. They also have these grinder sandwiches that have cheese and fresh bread and they are just awful for you and damn if I am not drooling on the keyboard just thinking of them. I have even had to talk myself out of fast food today! I thought I was past that. I shut that door and I want it to stay shut dammit! So far I have stayed strong, and I plan to stay that way, but I confess I am a twee bit of a big grumpy pain in the ass right now.
So thirty days. Yay me. Or something.
The last few days I am struggling to stay raw. Temptation is everywhere. I was shopping at my favorite cheap grocery store with raw organics in bulk and I smelled the devil in bread and cheese form--pizza. They also have these grinder sandwiches that have cheese and fresh bread and they are just awful for you and damn if I am not drooling on the keyboard just thinking of them. I have even had to talk myself out of fast food today! I thought I was past that. I shut that door and I want it to stay shut dammit! So far I have stayed strong, and I plan to stay that way, but I confess I am a twee bit of a big grumpy pain in the ass right now.
So thirty days. Yay me. Or something.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Day Twenty Three-
Today I introduced some people at my work to raw food. I made my "Rawsome" almond flax crackers for them (with onion and carrot, really good) and some of my "Mallory Bars." The people I work with are not all that adventurous, apparently. They tried a bite of the cracker but wouldn't even touch the bar. I admit its not pretty, but its hella tasty so, eh, their loss. They did say they liked the crackers, so not a total loss.
Speaking of food, I am so excited because I joined a raw food meetup at meetup.com and I am going to a raw vegan potluck in November with a Thanksgiving theme. How cool is that?! I am really excited about connecting to people around here. Our only raw restaurant in Portland (that I know about) is in the Pearl, a snooty she-she area downtown, and I want to meet more just average folks, not just "the beautiful people." It is an amazing restaurant though, called The Blossoming Lotus. It's in a yoga studio, and for me, it was the food that made me believe I could actually go raw.
I am so incredibly grateful tonight- I am grateful because I have lost my taste for refined sugar. My kids made some baked Oreo brownie mostrousity and pronounced it amazing, and I just had to marvel because I didn't even want to try it. Ditto when my son tucked into a big (not raw) pizza. Cheese used to be one of the things I could not imagine living my life without, and why I used to say, "I'll never be a vegan." And yes, the pizza smelled and looked good to me, but not in that "I must have some or die" kind of way. I was able to tell myself that I will try to make some raw pizza soon, and until then I had other things I like to eat that are good for me. Yesterday, my work catered lunch for us, and I had a cooked vegan burrito. I could have used that as my excuse to go off of raw, even just for the rest of the day. In the past, if I "blew" my diet, it was on, no holds barred, x-rated eating for the rest of the day, baby. But I just calmly made the decision to eat my non-raw lunch, and go right back to raw at my next snack. Instead I came home and said no to the non-raw pizza, one of my previous binge foods. I am so thankful--for my healing, for being released from bondage to food, for being able to release weight in the healthiest way imaginable. Life is good!
Speaking of food, I am so excited because I joined a raw food meetup at meetup.com and I am going to a raw vegan potluck in November with a Thanksgiving theme. How cool is that?! I am really excited about connecting to people around here. Our only raw restaurant in Portland (that I know about) is in the Pearl, a snooty she-she area downtown, and I want to meet more just average folks, not just "the beautiful people." It is an amazing restaurant though, called The Blossoming Lotus. It's in a yoga studio, and for me, it was the food that made me believe I could actually go raw.
I am so incredibly grateful tonight- I am grateful because I have lost my taste for refined sugar. My kids made some baked Oreo brownie mostrousity and pronounced it amazing, and I just had to marvel because I didn't even want to try it. Ditto when my son tucked into a big (not raw) pizza. Cheese used to be one of the things I could not imagine living my life without, and why I used to say, "I'll never be a vegan." And yes, the pizza smelled and looked good to me, but not in that "I must have some or die" kind of way. I was able to tell myself that I will try to make some raw pizza soon, and until then I had other things I like to eat that are good for me. Yesterday, my work catered lunch for us, and I had a cooked vegan burrito. I could have used that as my excuse to go off of raw, even just for the rest of the day. In the past, if I "blew" my diet, it was on, no holds barred, x-rated eating for the rest of the day, baby. But I just calmly made the decision to eat my non-raw lunch, and go right back to raw at my next snack. Instead I came home and said no to the non-raw pizza, one of my previous binge foods. I am so thankful--for my healing, for being released from bondage to food, for being able to release weight in the healthiest way imaginable. Life is good!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Day Twenty-Two: Ouch
Ok, first things first, I forgot to post this on Day 20:
Day 20 10/14/08 20% Complete and Weigh-In
So twenty days of RAW has me thinking that this is not so tough. The hungry days are mostly over, I think. I've got a handle on the uncooking. I am really digging the youtube cooking demos by Ani Phyo. It makes me want to try something bigger, like raw apple pie. Doesn't that sound yummay?
I never thought that my kids would want to join me on this journey, but to my surprise and delight my teen daughter is really getting into it. I catch her snacking on raw dates and almond butter and she happily downs my smoothies and is game to try my creations. She was the first person in my house to go vegetarian (at the tender age of 5 she told me she would not eat a cow and she has never wavered) so I guess it should not surprise me, but it does. I love having the support.
Ok, are you ready for the big weigh-in? I sure was! And my current weight is: 359 lbs! I have released 20 lbs in 20 days. Wow. And I am 47 pounds down from my highest weight of 406. I really feel like I am on my way, and I am excited for the next twenty days!
Now today's update:
Yesterday was a hard day for me, but I was proud of myself in a weird way, too. So after releasing almost 50 lbs I felt like it was time to look at some of the clothes that I put away when I outgrew them. I got rid of most of them, but there were a few I kept, and one was a wrap dress with a neat black and white print. Now, this dress was never loose on me, it is meant to be form-fitting. I tried it on, and lo, it fit! I was excited and showed my daughter. "Should I wear this?" I asked her. "It kind of shows how big my butt is and my stomache." "Mom it looks pretty on you. You should wear it. I'm proud of you." So I decided to go ahead and wear it to work and just get over myself.
So I'm at work, and already I'm a little uncomfortable because the wrap style of the dress makes it gap and become lower-cut in the front when I am sitting down at my desk. So I was messing with it all day, to keep from flashing the patients. Then as I was going to lunch, my co-worker (whom I am not close with outside of work) pulled me aside and said, "That dress is not doing anything for you. I'm just trying to be honest." I was stunned, and I stammered, "oh, well, I was not sure about wearing it..." and she said, "Maybe when you lose some weight it will look better." Ok then. I have lost weight. I just have a lot more to go. I managed to get out of there and not boo hoo by forcing myself to smile really huge. My confidence took a real hit. On the one hand, you don't want to walk around looking stupid and you want people to be honest. On the other hand, why does she care if my dress is flattering or not? It's not like it was not appropriate for work. *sigh*
I will just trust my body to let go of the weight as it wants to. I will not freak out, and I will not cry, or God forbid, go back to eating Taco Bell and Mickey D's. I will love myself, just as I am, and give my body the fuel it needs to heal and be happy.
Day 20 10/14/08 20% Complete and Weigh-In
So twenty days of RAW has me thinking that this is not so tough. The hungry days are mostly over, I think. I've got a handle on the uncooking. I am really digging the youtube cooking demos by Ani Phyo. It makes me want to try something bigger, like raw apple pie. Doesn't that sound yummay?
I never thought that my kids would want to join me on this journey, but to my surprise and delight my teen daughter is really getting into it. I catch her snacking on raw dates and almond butter and she happily downs my smoothies and is game to try my creations. She was the first person in my house to go vegetarian (at the tender age of 5 she told me she would not eat a cow and she has never wavered) so I guess it should not surprise me, but it does. I love having the support.
Ok, are you ready for the big weigh-in? I sure was! And my current weight is: 359 lbs! I have released 20 lbs in 20 days. Wow. And I am 47 pounds down from my highest weight of 406. I really feel like I am on my way, and I am excited for the next twenty days!
Now today's update:
Yesterday was a hard day for me, but I was proud of myself in a weird way, too. So after releasing almost 50 lbs I felt like it was time to look at some of the clothes that I put away when I outgrew them. I got rid of most of them, but there were a few I kept, and one was a wrap dress with a neat black and white print. Now, this dress was never loose on me, it is meant to be form-fitting. I tried it on, and lo, it fit! I was excited and showed my daughter. "Should I wear this?" I asked her. "It kind of shows how big my butt is and my stomache." "Mom it looks pretty on you. You should wear it. I'm proud of you." So I decided to go ahead and wear it to work and just get over myself.
So I'm at work, and already I'm a little uncomfortable because the wrap style of the dress makes it gap and become lower-cut in the front when I am sitting down at my desk. So I was messing with it all day, to keep from flashing the patients. Then as I was going to lunch, my co-worker (whom I am not close with outside of work) pulled me aside and said, "That dress is not doing anything for you. I'm just trying to be honest." I was stunned, and I stammered, "oh, well, I was not sure about wearing it..." and she said, "Maybe when you lose some weight it will look better." Ok then. I have lost weight. I just have a lot more to go. I managed to get out of there and not boo hoo by forcing myself to smile really huge. My confidence took a real hit. On the one hand, you don't want to walk around looking stupid and you want people to be honest. On the other hand, why does she care if my dress is flattering or not? It's not like it was not appropriate for work. *sigh*
I will just trust my body to let go of the weight as it wants to. I will not freak out, and I will not cry, or God forbid, go back to eating Taco Bell and Mickey D's. I will love myself, just as I am, and give my body the fuel it needs to heal and be happy.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Day Nineteen- "Mallory Bars"
I love Lara bars but I don't love paying $1.59 each for them. I decided to try to make my own, since it seems like pretty simple ingredients. I made my first attempt last night with an apple, a cup of raw, soaked almonds, 6 dates and a couple of handfuls of raisins. I processed it all in my food processor and added a few sprinkles of cinnamon. I made them into granola-bar shapes and put them in the dehydrator. This morning, I tasted one and it was soooooo good. I could have eaten them all right then and there. My teen daughter took 2 and wanted more. (I only had about 6 total so I had to stash a few. When you have hungry teens, there are two kinds of people: the quick and the hungry!) I am so proud to be sharing my first raw recipe invention. Or rather, rip-off of someone else's recipe invention. Whatev.
Mallory Bars
1 large organic Fuji apple, cored and quartered but with skins left on
1 c. soaked raw almonds
6 dates (any kind) not soaked
1/2 c. raisins
Process all ingredients in a food processor or Vitamix until it is the consistancy of oatmeal. Form into bars, 1 inch wide by 4 inches long and 1 inch high. Dehydrate on Telflex sheets turning once half-way through until dry on the outside but still moist and chewy. Enjoy! Store extras in the refrigerator.
Mallory Bars
1 large organic Fuji apple, cored and quartered but with skins left on
1 c. soaked raw almonds
6 dates (any kind) not soaked
1/2 c. raisins
Process all ingredients in a food processor or Vitamix until it is the consistancy of oatmeal. Form into bars, 1 inch wide by 4 inches long and 1 inch high. Dehydrate on Telflex sheets turning once half-way through until dry on the outside but still moist and chewy. Enjoy! Store extras in the refrigerator.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Day Seventeen--Uncooking
So I have been doing some uncooking lately. I love that I can be so lazy with this way of eating and, if I want to, do zero prep: grab some fresh fruit, snack on some carrots and celery, eat a tomato or a cucumber, or munch on a handful of almonds (that I've soaked.) Since I am so busy, and hell yes, I am soooo busy, that really appeals to me. God made it so easy for us. And then, if I feel like I want something fancier or more variety, it is no sweat to whip up some of these cool recipes. I have had some great success--I make a mean flax/almond/carrot/onion cracker- and some colossal failures like the "cinnamon rolls" I made that came out a lot more like good-smelling hockey pucks. (I believe I just dehydrated them too long. Also they were supposed to have frosting but I didn't bother because they came out like rocks.) I love my guacamole and could live on it.
The funny thing is that I am some times embarrassed eating in front of people now, just because I get to eat so much! I was making costumes today and I ate two small plums, one apple, one banana, and a hand full of soaked/dehydrated raw almonds. It was miles better for me than the disgusting fast food burgers people around me were eating, but I felt like a hog. In truth, I probaly ate about 1/3 the calories they did with their bacon cheeseburgers, fries, and sugary cokes. No one said anything, but...emotions are logical. Anyway, I am just happy to be able to stick to my convictions and let my smaller thighs do my talking down the line.
The funny thing is that I am some times embarrassed eating in front of people now, just because I get to eat so much! I was making costumes today and I ate two small plums, one apple, one banana, and a hand full of soaked/dehydrated raw almonds. It was miles better for me than the disgusting fast food burgers people around me were eating, but I felt like a hog. In truth, I probaly ate about 1/3 the calories they did with their bacon cheeseburgers, fries, and sugary cokes. No one said anything, but...emotions are logical. Anyway, I am just happy to be able to stick to my convictions and let my smaller thighs do my talking down the line.
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