When I Get My Wings

I've been restless lately. It's 2 months in, I'm steadily taking off weight (down to 335 this week, 5 lbs ahead of schedule for my goal)I tell myself, "Don't get cocky or over-confident, stay humble, stay teachable, stay disciplined and strong. You have a very long time to go and a very big mountain to climb. You've only begun to make a dent. Keep your head down and just focus on the work." I think of a caterpillar, sitting on a leaf, fat and furry, watching all the butterflies lilt past. "Will it really happen? Is it really true? Will that ever be me? I'm fat and homely and stuck down here, but one day, I have faith, I will soar, when I get my wings." It's 4th grade. My best friend at the time is named Kirstin, and she has to go. She has ballet class. Kirstin is lanky and lean. I am short and chubby. I dance all the time. I am incapable of walking from the kitchen to the living room without waltzing. I want dance lessons too. My mom says, "Dance lessons are expensive." "I have to work, there's no way to get you there." I explain that Kirstin's mom can drive me. Finally, "You're never going to be a ballerina." She's right. Still I hound Kirstin after she comes home from her lessons: show me what you learned. I want to try. She shows me the foot and arm positions. She teaches me the dance they've been doing. I even do the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy in the Nutcracker play at school. I am a dancing teddy bear. Chubby and short but I dance with joy, I feel the music move me. It has been many years since I've danced around my house. I don't even remember when I stopped. My body started hurting and it just finally fell away. When I get my new body, I am going to take lessons. I am going to dance around the kitchen again. I'm going to be free and move as the Spirit moves me, when I get my wings. I'm in junior high/high school/college and I see my best friend Holly/Debby/Stephanie meeting guys and feeling confident and pretty. I am the sassy funny one, the fat friend that makes the pretty girl even prettier. They go on hay rides and camping and dancing and hikes, or a thousand other fun but physical outdoor activities. Sometimes I try to participate and I am scary red faced girl who huff and wheezes. Other times, unable to keep up, I stay behind. I make dang sure to not let anyone know if I think a guy is cute. It's better not to want what you don't think you can have. One day, I will dare to be vulnerable. One day I will be fit and go camping and canoeing and kayaking and hiking. I'm going to splash in the ocean and play in the mountain snow. I'm going to do it all, when I get my wings. I'm a young mom and I'm taking my kids to the water park. I want to play too, but I don't dare. One day, I will dare, when I get my wings. They're a little older and I take them to Disney. I am afraid that I won't fit on the rides, so I don't try. One day, I will try, when I get my wings. I watch my kids take tae kwon do. I want to do it too, but I'm afraid. I will be brave, when I get my wings. I will ride bikes. I will explore new cities. I will go to a club and dance till dawn. There are so many things I missed out on, being a caterpillar. But one day, I will get my wings...

Gung Hay Fat Chow

That's happy new year, if you're Chinese. I'm not, but a whole lot of very many people are, and to them, I wish a joyous and prosperous year. But what I really want to think about today is money. Being a first-time home buyer, this was the first year that I did my taxes with the assorted credits one benefits from when you sign your name on that deed. I had anticipated having a lot of money to pay in taxes because I had taken an early withdrawal from my retirement account in order to purchase my home. (I think this was a smart thing to do and I think more people should do that if they have the opportunity to buy a house, even if you have to pay taxes on it. Your tax credits will cover what you owe many times over, believe me.) So anyway, fearing a horrible tax bill, I had an additional amount held back from my checks and that, combined with the lovely tax credits, resulted in about a $5,000 refund. So yay! What I want to do with that refund is buy the best used car I can afford for said $5,000 and drive it till the wheels fall off, avoiding a car payment altogether. I am leaning toward a 2005 Honda Civic. I also like Toyota Corolla. I think I should test drive a few cars. Anyway, that's an option. The other option is to use the $5000 to pay off all my bills, or to do some combination and buy a cheaper car (yes, there are cheaper cars) and use part of the money to pay off some of my bills. I really, really strongly desire to get out of debt this year. Romans 13:8: "Owe no man anything but to love one another." I have a free to me car to drive (my parents' handicapped van) until the end of June. I've already paid off one account, so I'm doing that snowball thing where you pay off one account with the highest interest and then use the payment you used to make for the account that is now paid off to make double payments on the next highest interest rate until that is paid off, and so on. The only problem with that is that it is slow. I want this debt off my books now. (I don't regret incurring the debt, by the way. I used it to take myself and my 22 year old daughter around Europe and it was a fabulous trip that I am so happy we did.) Still I hate paying interest and I hate knowing that I am in the hole. So I'd like to get those accounts paid off, and then I could take the roughly $500/month I'm paying out in payments and use it to make an emergency fund. I could get $10,000 in 20 months with discipline. And after that? I could start saving for vacations again. I could pay someone to clean the house and mow the lawn. I can get new furniture once the pets are all gone. One thing I know? I will never go back to wasting it all on clothes I don't need, restaurants where the food is consumed and forgotten, assorted crap for the home that ends up getting donated to charity...

Progress Report and Lent

So when I renewed my commitment to restoring my health and reducing my weight on January 1st, I think I weighed about 361 lbs. Does that shock you? I probably shouldn't tell you that my highest weight was 436 lbs at my 5'1" height. It's documented in my medical chart. Not surprisingly, I felt like I was dying. I probably was. So fast forward to now. January 1st I gave up sugar, flour, gluten, processed food of any kind, meat, and dairy. I still eat an occasional egg from happy chickens (my neighbor's hens.) Of all those things, sugar and processed food are without a doubt the hardest. If I want beans, I need to make them from scratch. If I want to make a tortilla out of leftover green smoothie and flax seeds, I need to make it and dehydrate it. And sugar? Sugar is ubiquitous. It is in every product and every recipe. I struggle to find a salad dressing or any condiment that doesn't have it (thank goodness for carrot-ginger dressing! It's already really sweet from the carrot.) I can use dates to sweeten things but I have not done so much because I want to lose the taste for concentrated sweetness. I have also avoided restaurants (saving money plus so hard to find places I can eat) but my sweet sister has treated me to a few vegan meals out. I really love A.N.D. Cafe on Burnside. Cons: it's tiny and you have to wait for a table, and the wait to get your food is really long too. Pros: the food is awesome and they have lots of gluten free options. Anyway, it's been 48 days since I started again. (Yes, I started again. I will always start again. I will never give up.) I weigh in on Mondays and I was 338. This puts me ahead of my goal, which is to take off 10 lbs or more per month. At that pace, I will reach my ultimate goal by Christmas 2016. That will be quite a Christmas present! Since January 1st, that would be about 23 lbs, so right on track with time to spare. It hasn't been easy, but I'm extremely determined. I stayed on track during Valentine's Day. My sweet daughter sent me sugarless gum instead of chocolate, bless her! So that brings me to Lent. I have a theme for this Lent and that theme is Enlightenment. Really, that is my theme for the year! I want to enlighten my body (quite literally!) and lighten up in my possessions and in stress and worry. I am lightening up in debt (they're going DOWN, just like the scale.) I am also going to redouble my commitment to my job that I LOVE and I am so happy and lucky to have. Quite simply, I need to focus on working while I'm at work and not being distracted by checking email,etc. So no non-work related internet period. Truthfully, this should have already been happening but it slipped away from me. I am going to make that my Lenten sacrifice, along with t.v. shows I don't think are pleasing to God. I am going to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. So for the possession enlightenment, I am getting rid of 40 things every day of Lent except the Sabbaths. I will try to sell some at my estate sale, and what ever does not get bought will be donated, but it is on it's way to new homes. This is probably going to be very hard for me because I tend to cling to possessions. But the truth is, if you don't let them go, your possessions will possess you. I have a wonderful friend, salt of the earth (I need to call her, actually!) and she has so many neat things that she has gotten at thrift shops or inherited or bought, but her house is so overflowing with things that you can't appreciate any of it. She has beautiful china that is dirty all over the house and linens that are dirty on the basement floor. She just has one son but they have enough clothes for 10 people. She is not a wealthy person. She is on food stamps and barely getting by. And yet she has wasted money on these treasures that have become burdens. In the past, that was me, too. I had every craft, but no time or place to do it because my house was full of junk. Cleaning anything took 50 times longer because I had to move and arrange so much stuff. My parents passed away and I am tasked with going through their things and getting rid of most of it and keeping a small amount of the useful and the beautiful and the things that just remind me of them so much that I can't bear to part with them: my mother's art, my father's carefully amassed record collection. Getting rid of their things feels like losing them all over again. It is just. so. hard. I have failed miserably at it so far. Now it is imperative that I make substantial progress and get it done. I am working at it every Saturday until it is done. Maybe my plan is too ambitious. Maybe I will fail spectacularly. But I want big results so I am making a big effort. Like my food plan: no one can say that is easy. But I already feel better. I can walk farther. It's working and the pounds are coming off. Through the grace of God I am sticking to it. So I am going to work to make this Lent substantial and meaningful. Bring on the enlightenment.

Ibuprofen Withdrawl

I have taken the anti-inflammation drug Ibuprofen since I was a teen who learned they were magic on the abysmal menstrual cramps I used to get every month like clockwork. So began my love affair with the NSAID of my dreams. See, the thing about being a person who has grown too fat for her own skeleton to support is that there is a ton of pain associated with severe obesity. I got migraines; I'd take ibuprofen. It was always in my purse for the back pain, foot pain, knee pain, or any other kind of pain I would have. I would take 600 mills and always with food. But I did this close to daily for 30 years, give or take. Wow. So is it any wonder that I woke up in the middle of the night a few weeks ago with what felt like a heart attack: chest pain, nausea, upper back pain that would not go away. It started at 3 am. When it had not stopped by 5 am, I had my sister take me to the ED. Luckily, it was not my heart. Sadly, it was a hole in my belly and another in my esophagus. Just like that, I had to break up with my beloved of 30 yrs, Ibuprofen. I have tried all the anti-inflammation foods and spices. I take Ginger and Turmeric and eat avocados and pineapple and a whole host of other things, including an Omega-3 supplement. I have glucosamin and condroitin and MSM for my joints. I have eliminated sugar and gluten and grains, any other inflammation causing foods. Still my knees swell and ache, sill my back wakes me up every day in the middle of the night and robs me of sleep. The only thing that will help is taking off the weight. I know this, and I am doing it. In the mean time, all this pain is super depressing. I hobble like an old lady and waddle like a penguin. It is super embarrassing. So here's to feeling better in every way in the new year. Keeping the faith that as I shrink, so will the pain.

Chugging Along

I forgot to post yesterday. Oh well, it's not about perfection it's just about building good habits again. yesterday was good and I went to the park and walked farther than usual with my doggy. I ate very well but I keep getting gluten on accident so I don't have the relief from pain yet. I am going to be super vigilant reading labels and just avoid anything packaged. The truth is I only use meat analogs when the kids are here, and they're going back to school today. For food, I had an avocado with fresh salsa for breakfast and some organic grapes. I just put a whole load of delicious root vegetables in the crockpot- organic red potatoes, organic sweet potatoes, organic sweet onion, organic carrots, and organic celery. I just tossed it with a little olive oil and Mrs. Dash. Plus salt-and-pepper because I'm a rebel. Take that Mrs. Dash! I'm reading the Daniel Plan on my Kindle and having it read aloud to me. It is weird to hear the robot lady. I like it though because I can knit while I listen. So far, I am very impressed with The Daniel Plan. I had sworn I was never going to buy another healthy lifestyle book. What could they possibly say that would be different from all the other ones I have read? And it's true that the nutrition stuff is the same. But I really like the spiritual aspects and the scriptural support for taking care of your body. I need to get together a small group to do it properly. I at least have my sister and brother-in-law on board and that is the most important since they live with me. I am also going to start going back to church. My sister found a good one and I want to check it out. They are very service focused which I like. I was going to go today but there is too much to do with the kids going back to school and me getting ready to go back to work tomorrow. It has been a lovely vacation and I'm sad to see it end.

Temptation Already

I feel a lot more prepared after my sojourn to the temple of health known as Trader Joe's. I got all kinds of lovely vegetables and fruits. I made a really hearty vegetable stew. It passed muster with the kids so it must've been okay.I forgot how much I enjoy an avocado with salsa on it. It is probably my very favorite simple meal. i've forgotten how many pit falls there are at every turn when you've decided to eat healthfully. I am trying really hard not to think about the strawberry ice cream in the freezer and I don't even like strawberry best. I am also trying not to think about that Hersheys kisses that didn't get used in Christmas cookies. The thing is, I don't even think that I could be convinced to actually to indulge in these treats, but the very fact of their existence is torture. The Grateful Dead said it best the first days are the hardest days. But I am committed to writing and so this is what you get. I got Laura's car fixed today. Thank God for Stanley my amazing mechanic who only charged me 80 bucks. I am super tired and pretty cranky, which is classic withdrawl for me. I went to do my walk and a mean nun wouldn't let me in the park which is connected to a Catholic school. Hope McPuppypants and I just walked around outside the school but it hurt my feelings. Okay now I am depressing and annoying myself so I will sign off and try to have a better attitude tomorrow.

Happy New Year!

On this first day of 2015, I am feeling renewed optimism and hope. I believe in New Year's Resolutions. I know that most people don't keep them, and I am no exception. But if we never take the time to reflect and make goals, how can we ever expect to achieve them? In that spirit, here are mine: 1. HEALTHY LIFESTYLE: I decided to look into The Daniel Plan from Rick Warren at The Saddleback Church. I've always liked his take on personal change inspired by faith and backed up by scripture and positive thinking. I am going to look for a church here in Portlandia that is offering it. As for the diet plan, I am certain of a few things: no meat, no dairy, no sugar or grains for me. Whole foods, organic, no gmo's. So basically, fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds for sure. But I also want to enjoy some baked sweet potatoes, a little bit of beans, hummus with raw veggies, and other cooked foods. I will never abandon my juices, smoothies, and salads. I don't want to hurt animals, and I don't want to pay anyone else to hurt them for me. For exercise, I am going to step up my walking, and I got some nordic walking poles to try. Walking is the one thing I will do no matter the weather, no fancy equipment needed, and I can easily adjust it for when I feel ill, etc. I have been walking for exercise for years, never missing a day, and I credit it for maintaining my health even as I have lost and gained weight. I am going to keep a day count of how many days I have on track: 1 day! Better than no days. 2. SAVE MONEY: I need to buy a car this year, so this is a necessity, not a pipe dream. I intend to be super strict: I am not buying anything but food and gas! I mean this. No more eating out. (That can only help me with my health goals anyway.) I have already warned the kids that I am going into uber frugal mode. Basically, I buy a lot of crap that I don't need, and then I have bills. It clutters up my house and my closets. It is a poor use of environmental resources. If I truly need something, I will try to get it free or second hand. I will set a firm limit on gifts. My goal is to save $5000 by June. To make a game out of this, I am keeping a day count of how many days I have: 1 day. A good place to start! 3. WRITE: I am going to blog every day, or close to it. This is the year I write a book and a screenplay. I have the plots and characters in my head; now I just need to get them on paper. Days on track: 1 day 4. CLEAR OUT AND SELL MY PARENT'S CONDO: I can't believe I have not done this yet. Procrastination ends now. I am making this my job every weekend until this is done. I also have tons of paperwork I have not done that I desperately need to. Today I am going to make an assessment of all of what that entails and get started and make a plan. I am giving myself a deadline of my mom's birthday to get this done: January 29. 5. FLOSS: I dont't, and I need to. Note to self: Buy some dental floss! Just a quick moment of reflection on 2014: Last year, I achieved many of my dreams. I visited Europe and saw London, Paris, and Rome. That has been on my life list since I was a child. I bought my first house, all mine. I never even dreamed I would be able to do that. I keep my house clean and decluttered. I never thought I would conquer that. I pay my bills on time. These are all things that give me hope. Yes, I am a food addict. Yes, I am a compulsive shopper. I get overwhelmed and just procrastinate and hope it will all go away. But I can overcome these things. I can do hard things! With God all things are possible. Here's to doing the possible in 2015.

November Blog Posting Month

It's been forever since I blogged. I think that it is time to try to remedy that. Some things have changed. My kids are both in college now. I moved in with my mom to take care of her, and then she peacefully passed away in her bed. I am alone in her house with a fluffy white dog and two kitties who won't stop jumping on the counter. I am alone, but I am surrounded by her. Her wonderful sense of style and decor, her clutter of papers and books, even her medications and the night cream she used. I cannot bear to throw them out. I know she is in a place now where there is no more disease or pain, and no more even wrinkles, and yet. Everything is there, waiting for her to come back. And she won't. When last we left our heroine (moi, naturally) I was no longer raw and I was eating my face off and had gained back almost all the weight I had taken off. I was eating everything, especially crow. That is not vegan! Or pleasant. Ahem. But, right there in my blog name, is an aspiration. Live: I want to live. I don't want my life to go on without me, or worse, I don't want my life to end. I don't want to be, for all intents and purposes, a suicide. I also want to eat food that is full of life and life-giving energy. Organic: I want to eat food made by God, not Monsanto. Sometimes organic seems like a racket: "Pay us double or we'll poison your food!" But I would rather support true farmers than corporations. I would also like to forage for some of my food. Vegan: I love animals. I don't want to eat them or exploit them, not in my heart of hearts. Environmentalist: Look, if you're not an environmentalist, you're just an a-hole. It's the ultimate act of ignorance or selfishness or both to put your own need to gobble up all the resources ahead of the well-being of everyone else. The storms are coming. Superstorm Sandy was just the beginning. And when they hit, they hit everyone, the rich and the poor, the old and the young, everyone suffers. We have to share the planet and do as much as we can to undo the damage we've already done. Finally, I want to live in love. I want to practice loving kindness. (Heck, I'll just say it: I even want to BE in love some day, again. I feel really, really unloveable and like I have some nerve to even want some one to love me. That's as least as big a barrier as my size, I think. But I am afraid. Afraid I am unworthy; afraid I will be hurt.) So there it is: I set the intention to walk in love and to learn to love myself. For reals this time. I am back to vegan, mostly live, but not as militant as before. This is not my rawligeon. I am pretty much all organic, except when I eff up and eat crap. I'm going to be brutally honest. Crap eating has happened before, I have had a bad pattern for 40-some years. It could happen again. And if it does, I am not going to lie about it. I am not perfect. Far from it! Environmentalist: If I am being honest, and we just established that I am, (now) I need to work on. I drive to work; I need to go back to the bus though I loathe it. I need to use my bags and limit my trips to stores, etc. I need to recycle even more than I do, but I need to refuse more so that I have less to recycle. So my work is laid out. I need to figure some stuff out. I'm baaa-ack. Did anyone miss me?

Hitting Bottom. Again.

I was just looking back at my interview with Dave the Raw Food Trucker six weeks after his stroke. I had taken off about 130 lbs at that point. I looked a lot better and I felt soooo much better. It is hard to look at now. I am an addict. Relapse is part of the deal. I know this. Yet every time I climb up that steep mountain, I tell myself, "This time will be different. This time I will not slip." And so I am surprised when I find myself in a jumbled heap at the bottom again. I have to get up but it seems so hard and I am so defeated and just so very angry I can't see straight. Really? This again? Yes. This. Again. I've made some half-assed attempts and some very sincere ones to get up again. But here I am. I sit here regretting every smug platitude I ever told anyone; any advice or moment when I felt sure I had conquered this thing. I truly have feet of clay. I know only one thing: I know nothing. And yet. I can't just lay here and wait to die of my disease of food addiction. I refuse to let this be the end of my story. I look back at this sadly neglected blog and I find a pretty good road map back to myself. As I tumbled back down the mountain, I left a good trail. I can follow it. I can get back there. Find my North Star, tap into the power of the made up mind, make my home a safe zone, set myself up for success, prepare, prepare, prepare and do. And pray. Because I am never giving up. Never.

Where Do You Get Your Protein?

Our favorite question, right? The next time someone asks you, besides your usual answer of nuts, seeds, legumes and greens (did you know greens are 20% protein?!) you can tell them two new ones: chia seeds and spirulina.

One tablespoon of chia seeds is 2.7 grams of protein. I add two of them to my smoothies (they taste like nothing) and get more than 5 grams of protein right there. Then I add a tablespoon of spirulina, which has 5 grams all on it's own. That's more than 10 grams of protein in that one drink, before I add any fruits or greens! That rivals any commercial protein shakes that rely on casein (which The China Study links to cancer.)

Plus chia seeds reduce your cholesterol, provide wonderful Omega-3s and make you feel full. And spirulina is a great source of beta carotene and chlorophyll as well as lots of trace minerals and other vitamins. There are tons of other benefits that you can read about in the pantry.

I just got excited about this and wanted to share!

Building Up The Temple

So, um, Hi! I've been kinda quiet lately, 'cuz I didn't feel like I had anything good to say and I only want to put positive stuff out there. What you focus on expands; what you resist, persists; feed the positive dog, etc. I had been "stuck" at 125 lbs off (which is great place to be stuck, don't get me wrong!) since the International Day of Juice Feasting, and I was getting rather disgusted with the scale. I decided to go back to basics, because it works.

I think we get rather myopic as raw foodies sometimes look only our nutrition. I believe that nutrition is the utmost important foundation of our health (without it, you will undermine anything else you try to do) but that house also has to have other pillars or it will still come crashing down. Penni is always reminding us of this: "Stay hydrated! Keep cleansing that colon! Move your buns! It's not just about the cake hole!"

So I did a shocking thing, for stubborn moi: I listened to good advice. (I know, right?!) In recovery circles, they say, "Look for someone who has what you want and ask them how they got there." With the awesome "Raw Mom, Cooked Dad" this week, I had the amazing opportunity to hear from SO MANY wise people how they do health and it was cool to hear such a diversity of opinions, even if it did make me question some things. (It never hurts to have your mind expanded and examine your truths and question the answers.)

So I want to share my "Back To Basics" and see how it compares to yours.

My body temple is built like this: Nutrition is the foundation, and the pillars are Loving Movement (exercise), Restoration (sleep), Hydration, Nurturing (self-care), Service (caring for others), Spirit, Cleansing (internal and environmental), and Relationships.

Nutrition: My diet is pretty simple: I have green juice first thing in the morning, then a green smoothie mid-morning, a big ol' salad for lunch with an avocado and a sprinkle of a handfull of nuts, and a blended green soup for dinner. In the smoothie I add chia seeds and goji berries and a superfood powder called "super reds" that has everything from goji berries, acai, beet powder, blue berries and probiotics. In the blended soup it is half greens (and I am rotating my greens better!) and the other half tomato, carrot, celery, onion, lots of garlic, more chia, and VitaMineral Green. (The garlic and chia are for my cholesterol reduction program.)

Once a week, I have gourmet raw at Sunday Supper. Otherwise, I am keeping it basic and green.

Loving Movement: I am back to my mantra, "Exercise is not optional!" Every week day, I am at the gym by 5:30 a.m. on the treadmill or the eliptical. I love the eliptical but I couldn't do it before, because I didn't go fast enough to keep going. Now I am going quicker and my knees love the eliptical very much! I also lift weights Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and I'm now doing Zumba at night on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sunday before church.

I know that exercise is doing awesome things for me: I've been told I "look smaller" than what I weigh. (Yay!) I have a LOT of weight to release, and exercise keeps that skin toned and tight because I don't want to look like a melted snowman naked. It keeps my lymph a-movin' and the colon moving too. It helps me deal with stress. It's good for my heart and lungs and coordination. And oh yeah: IT'S FUN. (That one still shocks me.)

Restoration: If you don't get enough sleep, you'll make too much cortisol and that means one thing: belly fat. That's right, I said it. The Buddah belly is not a good look for me! And it's deadly to have it around your heart. They've also proven that you'll release more weight if you get a good night's sleep. 7 hrs seems to be the magic number from the research I've done. I've made it a priority. I have to say, this is the easiest one. I do love a good snooze.

Hydration: In addition to my green juice, green smoothies, and green blended soups, I am also drinking plenty of spring water (we get it delivered at work and I fill 'er up.) I am wearing out a path to the loo but my skin looks and feels awesome and I feel great. Now that it is getting cold up here in the Pacific NW, I am drinking lots of Good Earth tea, which I love, and has such good ingredients: Red Rooibos (antioxidants!) Dandelion, Ginger, Ginseng, Rose Hips (vitamin C!) and the cinnamon in it makes it taste super sweet and no sugar at all. I do love a nice hot cup of tea on a cold day!

Self-Nurture: This is always a toughie for me. Time is my scarcest comody, and money is a close second. But again--not optional! I have made time for myself in the following ways: I make myself great meals, I make my bathroom a "spa" and do facials and skin brushing and hot/cold showers, I am reading a book I love, I dry my sheets with a sachet of organic lavendar, I sprung for pretty underthings, and I even popped for a 15 min chair massage yesterday--heaven!

Service: This has been fun. I've been volunteering with my son's musical theatre making costumes and hats. The show is coming together and looking awesome, and I love getting to be so creative and also having the chance to just sit around with other moms and gab and work communally.

I also consider shopping for and making nutritious meals for my kids as loving service. I try to look at house work as loving service as well, rather than drudgery. I once heard that being a good parent is as close as you can get to being like Jesus, and I love that. It is the spirit with which I serve that gives my life meaning, no matter how small that service.

Spirit: This is another of those things that is easy to take for granted or neglect. I have to make an appointment with myself and prioritize the time to just be with God, in prayer, in praise, and in the Word. Whatever your spiritual path, I think it is vital to health to make time for contemplation (what is the meaning of my life?) meditation (be still and go within) and fearless search for truth and meaning.

Cleansing: I am not going to talk about my colon cleansing. You're welcome. But I will say that I do it, and yes, I hate it, thanks for asking. lol But I love the results. I can't deny that I feel clearer and just BETTER. If I have a headache, it does the trick, just like that. Better than Advil and quicker too. (I got that from Charlotte Gerson, and it is totally true. Weird but true. If you have migraines, you owe it to yourself to try it.) I also use lots of chia seeds and flax seeds and I take a mineral supplement that has magnesium. Let's just say that the train leaves the station ON TIME, every time.

I also have cleaned up my house, literally: less clutter means less dust, better feng shui (I'm starting to believe in it), and I only use non-toxic stuff. I also use only coconut oil on my skin, my only beauty routine is some eyeliner and a smile, and I use organic hair stuff.

It's also important to air your house out daily, especially in fall and winter when it's counter-intuitive. Indoor air quality can be 5 times more polluted than outdoor, surprisingly. In addition to toxic VOCs (volatile organic compounds) houses are full of furniture and plastics that off-gas nasty formaldahyde and worse, and even naturally occuring radon and carbon monoxide from heating sources. I open the doors for at least 15 minutes at least once a day. There have been studies that suggest this actually cuts down on cold and flu virus transmissions too.

It's also helpful to have air-cleaning house plants. I have spider plants and pathos which are super easy to grow and among the most effective at cleaning indoor air. Also grow sprouts and micro greens and eat them: clean the air and nourish your temple!

Relationships: Whoever you are, you need a support system. Relationships are vital to your health. You need to lovingly weed those negative people out of your garden. Negativity is toxic. If you are eating raw organic vegan and jogging ten miles, and then going home and being verbally abused, your health is still going to suffer. Everyone has a responsibility to take care of her own garden. Bless those negative people and love yourself enough to extract yourself from that situation. If you need help, get it.

Family and friends: my home team. I make sure that I make time for my kids. No matter what, I drop everything and snuggle up with Nora on the couch and reconnect every night. She's going off to college next year, and I cherish this last little time I get with her. I have a harder time finding time with Joe because he's a 15 yr old boy who loves the computer and movies, neither of which lend themselves to quality interaction. But I am making the most of our long car rides out to Oregon City for rehearsal, and we have good talks. And I make a point to tuck him in at night--even big old teens still like this.

I take my mom out and I call her and my sister lots. I do little stuff around the house for my parents. I bring treats for my dad. (Shh! Don't tell him they're raw! If he knew they were good for him he wouldn't touch them.lol)

I believe in saying I love you. I believe in long hugs and telling people what they mean to you, from the heart. I believe in making time for my friends, even when I don't feel like I have it to give. Tomorrow is promised to no one. You never know when this "I love you" or that hug is going to be the last one. Carpe diem, and Carpe amor, as well.

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So after really getting my house in order these last few weeks, I am seeing progress all over my life. And the scale? She finally cooperated and moved another 10 lbs. (Good thing. I was SO breaking up with her if she didn't shape up!)

Your life is a canvas before you. What are you creating? Don't settle for a Elvis picture on black velvet, or a paint-by-numbers print of those cats with the big sad eyes! What are you willing to do to make it a masterpiece?

Addiction Medicine for Food Addicts Too

So you've discovered raw and living foods and you're doing great--you've got your food prep books and your youtube videos, you're cranking out kale chips and flax crackers like a champ and sporting your green smoothie mustache proudly. You feel great, you've never looked better, and you would secretly (or not so secretly) love to put everyone you know on raw and living food!

And then...some time goes by. And temptation starts to rear it's ugly head. Co-workers bring treats to the break room at work. Well-meaning family members make a special (non-raw) treat "just for you" or any other of a million scenarios, wherein, it happens, you slip up. There is no shortage of temptations for the person who chooses healthy options in a sick food world. Victoria Boutenko, in her book 12 Steps to Raw Food, demonstrates a lot of research that shows that there are many addictive compounds formed when cooking food. This would explain why so many of us have had issues with compulsive eating and being addicted to some foods, especially white flour, sugar, dairy products, especially cheese, and meats.

I'm of the belief that all addiction, be it alcoholism, drug dependency, sex addiction, shopping addiction, or food addiction, are all manifestations of the same condition. And yet, while there are inpatient treatment programs for alcohol and drug dependency, the person who is slowly eating herself to death gets told she just needs to eat less and exercise more. That is a lot like telling an alcoholic, "All you have to do is quit buying alcohol. There, problem solved!" We all know WHAT to do, don't we? And we raw foodies know better than anyone what a healthy diet looks like. It's the HOW to get ourselves to do it that's the problem, just like it is when dealing with any addictive substance.

With that in mind, I have borrowed techniques used in Addiction Medicine by the medical field, to treat alcohol and drug dependency, to cope with my own disordered eating. And now that God has relieved me from my compulsion, in and through His grace and power, it is my job to be vigilant and guard against going back to my old ways, and slipping back to that place where He was perfectly willing to help me, but I was not willing to take the help. Staying "sober" from problem foods, for me, requires rigorous honesty and willingness to remember that I am responsible for keeping myself on track, and being on the lookout for signs that my feet are falling off the path. Life is a series of course corrections. Before you can correct your direction, you need to realize you are veering off the path in the first place.

Here is a worksheet, that I've adapted from the Addiction Medicine Drug and Alcohol Dependency program, that addresses relapse. Relapse is more than the act of finding yourself at the drive through of Fatty Burger getting handed a greasy bag through a window. Relapse actually starts a lot earlier, in your head and in your behaviors, and has warning signs and symptoms. If we heed these signs, we have an early warning system that it's time to kick in our emergency plan and make sure that we are extra rigorous in following our loving limits and getting the support we need to keep from slipping. My hope and my prayer for you is that you will find this valuable for your journey, as I have.

RELAPSE WARNING SIGNS

1. Denial
2. Compulsive Behavior
3. Fear
4. Isolation
5. Depression
6. Daydreaming
7. Feeling hopeless
8. Confusion
9. Irritation/Anger
10. Irregular eating habits
11. Sleep problems
12. Listlessness
13. Loss of daily structure
14. Self-pity
15. Lying
16. Thoughts of eating trigger foods
17. Rejection of help
19. Dissatisfaction with life
20. "I don't care" attitude
21. Loss of constructive planning
22. Boredom
23. Stop checking in with support community/people
24. Controlled trigger food eating
25. Loss of control
26. HALTSS: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Sad, or Stressed

Which are your most likely symptoms?________________________________________________________

Cognitive Warning Signs: What thoughts do you have that are signs of imminent relapse? (What does the BRAT say to you to convince you that it's ok?________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________

Emotional Warning Signs: What feelings do you have that are warnings of possible relapse?_______________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________

Behavioral Warning Signs: What behaviors are you engaging in that make relapse more probable?___________
____________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________

What can you say back to to those compulsive thoughts? Why is it important to you to avoid relapse?______
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________

How can you constructively deal with your feelings without using your trigger foods or overeating?___________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________

What behaviors or situations do you need to avoid or change to put you back in a "safe zone"?_____________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________

What support people or structures (such as church, websites) can you reach out to?______________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________

What specific trigger foods (or groups of foods)
have I identified that I must avoid?______________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________

Amazing Update! Dave the Raw Food Trucker

We check in with Dave the Raw Food Trucker--how is he doing 6 weeks after his heart attack and stroke?! Just for perspective, at one point, half of Dave's body was paralyzed, he couldn't speak, and was hospitalized for 10 days. Through it all though, he STAYED raw, and has always seen himself whole and completely healed. People around the world (and especially at Raw Food Rehab) have sent him prayers and healing energy. See how that love is manifesting in Dave's miraculous healing!

We celebrated World Raw Food Day with 50 rawsome friends and Dave gave an inspiring talk. Have you checked out his website? http://www.therawfoodtrucker.com. You can always find me on Rawfoodrehab.ning.com, the best raw food website community. :)

No Matter What!

Of all the tools in your toolbox, what is the most powerful? What helps you stay raw more than anything else?

It's not your Vitamix, Blendtec, dehydrator, or food processor...
It's not your favorite uncook book or Youtube video...
It's not even your favorite website or your best raw food friends...

All of these are tremendously helpful. But nothing is more important to your raw food journey than something that can only come from you: YOUR MADE UP MIND.

You have to decide that you are doing this. You have to make peace with what you are deciding to leave behind for your highest good. You have to decide that you are are dedicated: No Matter What!

Until you really commit to those three beautiful words no matter what, you have a chink in your armor where excuses can seep in and eat away at your resolve.

I will love myself, no matter what.
I will nourish myself, no matter what.
I will believe in me, no matter what.

Finding Your North Star

Back in the days, before GPS and maps and routes, sailors had to navigate by the North Star--one true point in the sky that showed them where they were, where they were headed, and how to get there.

We need that with a raw and living foods diet. Have you defined what your North Star is for you? If you are vague, and say, "I want to eat more raw. I want to exercise more." you'll get VAGUE results. When you are confronted by a food, how will you know if it is on your plan, if you don't HAVE a plan? We need to have a crystal clear vision of where we are, where we want to go, and what we WILL and WILL NOT do to get there. Make sense?

So what is your North Star? This can be a defining statement. When I was on a juice feast, this was easy: "I drink fresh veggie juice. I don't have anything that is NOT fresh veggie juice." When I got off the juice feast, I wanted to stay 100% raw vegan. This was also easy. "I am a raw vegan. If it ain't raw, and it ain't vegan, it ain't going anywhere near my mouth!"

Now, I am going back to high raw, and, I have resolved to keep my diet very simple and basic (no gourmet for me on this Initiative. I find it messes me up during this weight-release portion of my life. I think it's awesome for people who can handle it.) So my North Star is more complicated, but I MUST define it. That definition is what makes raw EASY--the decision making is easy because the criteria has been set. Foods are either an easy "Yes, please!" or "No way." There is no fooling oneself with a "just this once..." or "I'll have a little bit..." Just-this-once and I'll-have-a-little-bit are not my friends! They mess me up, big time.

So here's what MY North Star looks like (because this is a very individual thing!):

My Personal Statement of Commitment: I am a HIGH RAW simple vegan. That means that my diet is all vegan, that it is 90% fruits and vegetables, with no more than a handful of nuts or seeds a day, and no more than 1 avocado daily. My focus will be simple raw fruits, raw veggies in simple salads or with all raw dips, green smoothies, green blended soups, and green juices. I will eat cooked beans and legumes (my personal decision) but no more than 1/2 c. per day.

My WON'T EAT List: (for this iVault4 experience):
1. Sugars (except fruit)
2. Bread, pasta, or wheat of any kind
3. Meat
4. Dairy Products
5. Eggs
6. Dehydrated things (just for this initiative, going light and simple this time)
7. Gourmet raw (only exceptions: Sunday Supper because I feel it is "safe": I only get one serving and it is not in my house where it can get me in trouble. Plus the fellowship with other raw food Christians is very valuable to me. Other exception: Thanksgiving day, I will make myself a "fancy" meal to celebrate. It will be ONE SERVING of each item, and a ONE MEAL experience. No leftovers!)
8. Any COOKED food, except: 1/2 c./day beans/legumes

My Loving Limits: (rules I make for myself that assist me in overcoming compulsive eating impulses)
1. No skipping meals.
2. "One and you're done" (have one plate of normal sized servings of food, and no more. No "seconds")
3. If it's not on my plan, it's not in my house. My home is a SAFE ZONE.
4. The kitchen is CLOSED after 7pm--don't go in there!
5. After a meal, wait at least 3 hrs before eating again. (Prevents "grazing" and overeating)
6. Exercise is not optional! (5 out of 7 days, minimum)
7. No parties that are just "eating orgies", buffets or all-you-can-eat ANYTHING. If you don't want to slip, stay off the ice! Don't put yourself in a situation that you KNOW will be too tempting for you!
8. Remember the acronym HALTS to halt compulsive behavior. Your resolve will be weaker when you are too: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Sad, (or Stressed.) Be on guard at these times and work out your emotions without turning to compulsive behavior.

Other Stars to Guide Me:
1. I will PLAN MEALS. I will make sure I have everything I need for the next day.
2. I will PLUG INTO SUPPORT. I will check into the 'Hab every day! I will support others!
3. I will JOURNAL daily. (So important for me.)
4. I will BE PREPARED and make sure the kitchen is "ready to rawk" daily: unload the dishwasher every morning, and make sure the kitchen is cleaned well every night.
5. I will take extra good LOVING CARE of my body: daily supplements, hot/cold/hot/cold showers, dry skin brushing, brushing/flossing daily (I've been bad at remembering to floss!) etc.
6. I will refresh my SPIRIT daily: I will pray morning and evening, read the Word before bed, and have my "walking devotion/praise music" time at lunch.
7. I will TAKE TIME just for me, doing things that make me HAPPY: Funny movies, good books, crafts, and hanging out with friends...

OK, it is YOUR TURN! (You knew that was coming, right?!) DO YOU have a North Star: a clear vision of where you are, where you want to go, and a crystal clear road map of exactly what you WILL DO and WON'T DO to get there? If you don't have a map, it is going to be so much harder to get there, if you make it at all.

Are you serious about your life, your health and your dreams? Or do you just talk a good game?

TAKE ACTION. DO IT NOW. (I just did. :) I double dog dare you!!!

Back To Basics

So, um, I went on this juice feast. I kinda wrote about it a lot. Then 40 days went by, and I finished it strong, and I broke the feast, slowly and carefully, like you are supposed to. And all was well in HeatherLand. And then.

I had this GREAT plan: I was going to eat really simply during the day, and make fabulous, gourmet dinners for me and the teens. I had my menu all planned out and I got all excited about it. In fact, I got TOO excited about it.

You see, the meals came out awesome. Too awesome! For my newly juicy, nicely cleansed palate, the food was an overload of flavor and deliciousness. It was also heavy on the nuts and seeds and salty stuff like nama shoyu.

Raw gourmet can be one of the tastiest, most exciting cuisines imaginable. Last Sunday, I went to Sunday Supper. I had a wonderful raw dinner catered by an amazing chef. It was wonderful. TOO wonderful. I wanted to eat and eat.

Monday, I made delicous raw tacos: I dehydrated some tortillas, and made "refried beans" from soaked and seasoned sunflower seeds, and I had lots of avocado, and I made sure to include lots of veggies by making my own wonderful salsa (tomatoes, sweet onions, a milder red jalapeno, the juice of one tangerine, cilantro and some mango.) The good news? They turned out great! The bad news: they turned out great! I couldn't stop eating them!

Tuesday, I made zucchini noodles with a simple marinara that was just freshtomatoes, sun-dried (non-oil packed) tomatoes, a little sweet onion, garlic, a date or two for sweetness, some Italian herb seasoning and a lot of fresh basil. I served it with a big green salad. And? No problem. It was all light, all veggie, and it didn't make me want to overeat.

Wednesday, I ate leftovers and my MIL brought over some SAD vegetarian food for the kids. I found myself hugely tempted (but not so much I gave in. Thank you God! But I'm no angel or superwoman. I get VERY tempted. I am just sayin'.)

Thursday, I made an attempt at super-fancy raw Asian cuisine. I made cilantro-lime pate (sunflower seeds, cilantro, lime, celtic salt, flax seed oil). I made Asian dressing (tahini, garlic, ginger, lemon juice, nama shoyu, sesame oil, seasoned rice wine vinegar.) I took some kale, grated carrots, and sea vegetables and marinated them in the Asian dressing. Then I took a raw nori sheet and put some of the pate, and some of the marinated veggies and a cut up avocado into it and made sushi. Then I made kelp noodles. I made a broth for them out of almond butter (I made my own in my awesome juicer!) and miso, and it was really bland so I added a lot of the Asian ginger dressing and lo, it was awesome. All this took me, oh, forever. It was past 8pm and we were all starving. I plated it all up fancy-like, snapped a picture or two for my facebook (lol), and we fell on it and snorked it down like wolverines. And again, it was yummy. Too yummy! And it felt heavy and salty. Again, I had a hard time knowing when to stop feeding my face.

By Friday, I realized that my plan of all-raw but gourmet dinners wasn't really working for me. But I had dehydrated these wonderful corn chips and some amazing onion bread. I hogged out on chips and salsa and the raw pizza I made with the onion bread. Saturday, I drank smoothies all day, then hogged out on the raw pizza again.

Now it is Sunday, and I am saying, ENOUGH. I have no desire to keep over-eating, raw or not! Some people can handle all these delicious raw gourmet meals and fancy desserts. I wish I was one of them, but I am not. By the grace of God, I have been relieved of my compulsions. But I also know that for my highest good, there are places that I should not let me go. Do you know what I'm sayin'? Can I get an Amen, my brothers and sisters? 'Cuz Mama always said, "If you don't want to slip, stay off the ice."

Last week was way too slick for me. All that heavy food was reawakening cravings in me for the SAD, and for the least healthy of the raw as well. I have been 400 lbs, and I have a healthy fear of it. I ain't a-going back there!

So new plan, which is really my old plan, the one that I used to release 125 lbs in the first place: green smoothies, blended green soups, salads and fresh fruits. Lots of fruits and veggies, just a wee bit of nuts and seeds, and no more than one avocado a day makes a Happy Healthy Heather.

The moral of the story for me? Keep it simple. Now I am singing the Shaker song in my head:

"'Tis a gift to be simple,
'Tis a gift to be free,
'Tis a gift to come down to (come up to!)
Where we ought to be.
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of hope and delight!"

This Sunday, I am thanking God for good friends, good simple food, and so many blessings my heart can almost not contain them all. Have a beautiful and blessed week everyone!

The Juicy Life--Breaking the Fast, The Final Chapter

Today is the last day I will be blogging about my Juicy Life. I consider my juice feast completed to success.

I have a lot to say today but I woke up late, and skipping the gym is not an option! I hope you'll come back tonight when I'm sure I'll have FASCINATING things to say! (Note to self: think of something fascinating!) Ciao for now!

Ok, I'm back! Did you miss me? I feel like I should say something profound about this whole experience, but I also feel like I already said what I had to say on Day 40 and with my video. I guess all that's left to do is to think about what I will take away from this experience.

I feel really proud that I was able to make it for the whole 40 days. I feel good about what I was able to do for my body. I detoxified at a deep, cellular level, and I released 35 lbs over the 40 days. I exhibited a lot of self-control and deepened my relationship with God as He got me through it. I was able to work on limiting beliefs, get rid of clutter, and bring up areas in my life where I was still holding on to pain or unforgiveness, and send healing love to those places. I made a great friend, and almost lost him right away. I learned to never take the people in your life for granted. They are a gift from God and should be regarded as such.

Most of all, when I look back, I will cherish this time for the friendships I've made and the special people who I am extremely privileged to have in my life. Penni, (Shelton, of rawfoodrehab.com)you are an extraordinary woman. You have been so good to me, so nurturing and encouraging, generous, loving, a wise mentor and a gorgeous red-headed cheerleader all rolled into one. I asked you once where you hide your wings. You said you're no angel but you can't fool me...I'm still looking for them...

Susan (Penni's right-hand woman at RFR), I can always count on you for encouragement and to always hold the high ground of positivity. You are such a shining light in this place, and in this world. The mansion would not be half the place it is without you. I feel so lucky to have you as my mansion "Resident Assistant"!

Rather than an ending, I feel a new beginning coming on. I want to spend some more time with my new "in real life" friends, Annette and Mauri and Thubten, and my new Seattle friends. My new friends in the computer, no less dear, I will have more time to read all your blogs and write back and forth to you and join with all of you as we all get radiantly, ridiculously healthy and gorgeous and deliriously ecstatic. And then we go out and heal the world with our love and we all live happily ever after. Amen.

The Juicy Life--Breaking the Fast, Day 6

FAIR WARNING: IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY JUICE FEASTING, AND DON'T WANT TO READ ABOUT SOLID FOOD, YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO SKIP THIS ONE. :)

Well, you can say my feast is well and truly broken, now. :) Every week, in Milwaukie, Oregon, (a suburb of Portland) we have an organic raw vegan meetup called "Sunday Supper." We are completely spoiled! Three weeks in the month, this is a dinner with a theme catered by various local raw food chefs. The supper is hosted by Gabrielle Chavez, who wrote The Raw Food Gourmet: Going Raw For Total Well-Being. Once a month, in lieu of a catered dinner, we have a potluck, and that has been fun, too.

This week, Gabrielle prepared the dinner, and we had not one, but three chefs there! Andy, whose last name I don't remember, but he is a well-known raw chef in the Portland area, was there, even though he has been on a juice feast for (get ready for it: 172 days! He is going to do 200!!! Needless to say, no one was impressed with my 40 days at all, lol) Julia, another un-cookbook author, catered the dessert with one of her amazing pies from her book "Sweet and Raw Pie Mandalas." Nearly everything we ate (besides the avocados!) was grown on Gabrielle and Thomas Chavez's organic farm in Oregon City.

Here's the Menu:




Pizzamoles Topped with Minh's Marinated Tomato Madness

Fruit 'n Nut Crunchy Salad

Savory Greens of Summer Soup

Julia (Divinia Alchemy)'s Prize "Sweet Mandala" Pies

So what is a "pizzamole" you might ask ('cuz I did.) Ok, a pizzamole is a 3 by 6inch piece of raw onion bread (uber yum, recipe in the kitchen) spread with a recipe Gabrielle got from Mihn (of Ronnie and Mihn). It is simply mashed up avocado that you add a little bit of lemon juice and about a teaspoon of unreconstituted miso paste to. It was sooooo delicious! On top of the avocado were cherry tomatoes that had been marinaded in an Italian-type raw vinaigrette overnight and then dehydrated just a little bit to concentrate the flavors.

The pie had a goji-berry and almond crust (really interesting flavor) and was an apple-creem pie with a goji-chia seed jam on top. It was amazing, and the tiny sliver I had, I enjoyed immensely. Everything else was good, too, but the pizzamoles and the pie really stood out.

So it was probably not the best idea to indulge in dense, dehydrated raw gourmet 6 days after ending my juice feast. I have no regrets, however. All day long, I stuck with veggie juice and green smoothies and greens based blended soups, and that's what I'll be having today, as well. This was my pre-planned celebration meal, and I enjoyed and appreciated every scrumptious bite, in the company of lovely friends. Isn't that the way that we are meant to experience food?

Doing this juice feast has renewed my taste buds and refreshed my palate to enjoy the delicious, simple flavors of raw and living foods. I never even add salt to any of my blended soups, because I add celery and greens and I can "taste" the salt in them.

After Sunday Supper, we gather for a spiritual fellowship time (the meal is held at a church) and almost everybody stays for it. We read a passage of the Bible and share what it meant to us, what questions we have about it, and then we pass around a soft, squishy globe of the world and everyone picks a place on it to pray for and send loving blessings toward. Then we pray together for anything or anyone else we may want to, and have communion (with raw bread and raw fresh-pressed grapejuice!) What I love about this service is that probably half or greater of the people may not even identify themselves as Christians...and yet we can all gather together in peace and love and harmony and discuss scripture and send love to the world and pray and break bread together as sisters and brothers.

I feel so blessed to have connected to my raw community. If you haven't done that, you are cheating yourself. If you don't have one by you, start one. It can even be profitable--at this one, everyone gives a love offering of $10-20 for the meal (totally worth it for a raw, vegan, organic, gourmet 4 course dinner) and whoever volunteers to be chef (with lots of help from the rest of the group) gets to keep whatever $ is leftover after buying ingredients. I have heard some of our chefs say they made $300 in one night. (It is very well-attended, and most of us have great organic gardens. :)

Raw foodie cannot live on raw bread alone! Friendships are a gift and connection is vital to make this not just a lifestyle, but a life. :)

The Juicy Life--Breaking the Fast, Day 5

Oh my goldfish--I was almost done writing this post and my browser crashed and I lost it all! I am starting to sense a little of what poor Penni has gone through with her computer crashing multiple times. Ack! *shakes fist at computers in general, then takes it back because really, she loves them*

Ok, my other post, was SO MUCH BETTER, (trust me! lol) but here's the gist. I stayed on green smoothies just fine yesterday. All the cravings were gone. I am SO happy that I didn't give in to temptation or I would most likely still be feeling the after effects right now.

It was so much easier to be sipping my smoothie all day while working in the Sweat Shop (costume department of my son's musical theatre.) I was busy doing patterning from the designer's sketches (harder than it sounds.) And then I got to work on what I really love: hat making. That is my specialty in the company. So yesterday, I got to get started on 12 cute red fez hats with tassels for 12 even cuter little girls (of course I will post pictures when they're done) and one tiny little red fez for a stuffed monkey. The monkey is Mr. George, my son's chimpanzee puppet (Joe is a talented puppeteer) and he just felt that Mr. George really ought to have a fez. Naturally. So I was happy to oblige. :)

When I get the fezes done, I get to make spoon-bill bird hats. I love making the "critter" hats--I do it muppet-style, with big halved ping-pong balls for the eyes, and huge fake eyelashes to really make the characters come alive. This is my favorite kind of hat making--last year I was fighting with buckram to make forms for what became glamorous pill box and bowler hats, and it was frustrating because every little mistake shows on that kind of hat. Plus, the directors I work with have a very clear idea of what they want, but they aren't always great at communicating it TO ME. It's more like they'll know it when they see it, lol. Finally, it is a fine line between Glamorville and TackyTown when you are doing fancy hats. The character hats are much more my style!

It is so much easier to stick with my green smoothies when I am busy in creative activity. I barely even noticed all the ladies horking down the baked goods people invariably bring to the Sweat Shop until some of them asked me how I can resist. (Every other year, I was right in there, horking away with them. It was my favorite part of the Sweat Shop!) They say, "Idle hands are the devil's playthings," and while I don't know about that, lol, I do know I find it so much easier to resist temptation when I focused on something I enjoy.

So I decided I am going to stick to the following, until I get sick of it: green juice every morning, then a green smoothie with fruit later, a savory "soup" green smoothie for mid-afternoon, and a fancier, raw dinner for me and the kids. Why? It's all about the greens, baby! The green juice doesn't take so long, now that I only have to make 1 quart instead of 4, and the green smoothies take maybe two minutes to make. So it is quick, convenient, full of fiber, alkalizing, healthy and yummy. Plus, I can "drink my lunch" while I'm at my desk, and still have my whole lunch hour for walking/prayer/meditation time.

If I get bored with this, I can switch it up. I don't think I will because I am going to making exciting dinners. During my juice feast, I got clarity about the fact that what I was doing was not working for me. I used to take some time and make a yummy, cooked dinner for the kids. Then I would grab an avocado and some pre-made salsa and call it dinner for me. I saw that I need to put just as much effort into making a nice dinner for myself as I do for my children. Plus, it was really tempting, having to cook those foods, wanting to taste while cooking to check the flavor, and having the left-overs in the house to tempt me. And my kids are perfectly game to eat raw, as long as it TASTES GREAT.

With that in mind, I think I have a winning line-up of dinners this week. (By the way, I always do the same cuisines on certain nights of the week. That is my tip for you because it makes meal planning a snap. You'll see what I mean:)

Sunday--Sunday Supper--This is an awesome weekly raw vegan meet-up I go to every week (when I am not juice feasting!) I am so lucky to have this weekly gathering! It is catered by local, raw professional chefs and talented amateurs from the group.

Monday--Mexican--Raw Tacos (walnut taco "meat" in romaine taco-shells) with guacamole and fresh salsa and raw corn chips

Tuesday--Tuscan--(or any Italian!) Zucchini spaghetti marinara, big green salad and flax "garlic bread"

Wednesday--What's Left Wednesday: a time to eat up any left-overs! (if none, it's every diner for himself!)

Thursday--Thai One On--(Actually any asian food, but Thai One On works so well!) Kelp noodle Pad Thai, and nori-rolls with cilantro-lime pate, and Asian Persuasion Coleslaw

Friday--Pizza Night! Raw flax cracker pizza with raw pizza sauce, rawmigan and toppings and a big green salad

Saturday--SS&S--Soup, Sandwich, and Salad Bar Make dehydrator "bread" and tortillas, and provide all manner of yummy pate, nut cheeze, and fresh veggies to make-your-own sandwich and salad how you like. Serve with gazpacho or other raw soup.

Now do you think I'll get bored with a menu like that? I don't! It's all about the planning, my Raw Scouts! All about the planning!

The Juicy Life--Breaking the Fast, Day 4

So, yesterday was second verse, same as the first. I skipped breakfast (I never do that but I needed to get a fasting blood test) then came home and started with 1quart green juice. Then I made myself a green smoothie (just 50%greens and 50%strawberries + lemon juice) and another blended soup (50% greens + carrot, celery, lemon juice, red bell pepper, heirloom tomatoes, onion, garlic, fresh cilantro, 1/4 of an ancho chili, seeds and veins removed.) And then it happened. My appetite came back, with a vengeance. I didn't even want my smoothies. They didn't appeal to me. I felt like I would rather have nothing than have those smoothies. It was so weird. It is not like me at all.

My kids made homemade pineapple pizza for dinner. (Whole wheat crust, low-fat cheese, homemade organic sauce, but I still think it's a train wreck...) And I wanted it! I really wanted it, especially the cheese. I felt myself going there. I was reaching to nibble, just a little bit of the melted cheese...its not really cheating...just this one little bite...

And BAM! I put that Brat right into TIME OUT! Oh yes, she was piping up, big time. The same Brat that talked me into so many binges, once upon a time. But that day, is not TO-DAY. I took my life back, and I'm not giving it back.

I quickly pulled out the organic prunes I bought to help break the feast. I counted out 6 of them, and gobbled them down. (I was supposed to soak them, but I didn't trust myself to do that with the smell of pizza in my nose.) Then I immediately went and got in the shower. It is very difficult to eat pizza in the shower! So I felt safe there. And I prayed for strength to face the temptation and waited until it passed.

I could be telling you such a different story this morning, about how I blew it, but I forgive myself, etc.
But I'm not. I share this story because I think it's important to know that:

1. Just because you have a craving, you don't have to act on it! Sometimes they are STRONG but you are stronger.
2. I should never have skipped breakfast and not had even juice till noon. I never should have let that pizza be in my house. My house is a safe-zone! Mama always said, "If you don't want to slip, stay off the ice!"
3. When you hear the voice of your Brat (or your Beast, or whatever you call your addictive voice) that should be the equivalent of lights and sirens and a funky old robot waving it's arms and hollering "Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!" Enact your emergency plan immediately!
4. HAVE an emergency plan! Cravings will come. They just will. There will be times when the temptation is great.

My emergency plan looks like this:
1. Recognize the signals. (The Brat trying to talk me into it.) SOUND ALARM!
2. Talk back to the Brat! Tell her NO! I decide what goes in my face, not her.
3. Remind self: I am a RAW VEGAN. If it ain't raw, and it ain't vegan, ITS NOT FOR ME!
4. Eat something healthy that IS raw and vegan, immediately!
5. Get far away from the temptation!
6. Do an incompatible activity. An incompatible activity is one you can't do while eating. So far I have take a shower, go swimming, knit, and um, couples have another option, if you get my drift. AND I THINK YOU DO. (Alas, I am gloriously single, sooo...)
7. Pray for help. (and to stop thinking about #6, lol)

This is what works for me. If you are not a person of faith, instead of the #7, you could get on-line and get support here. I do that in addition to the others, so that would be my:
8. Check into the 'Hab and get some support.

Bottom line: You NEED A PLAN. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail! You can have excuses, or you can have success, but you can't have BOTH! (that was for Susan because I know she will love it. :) Because it's true.)

So, I decided it is time for some solid food. I am still starting with green juice and I will have one of my smoothies I already made but I am going to eat some melons a few hours after that. (Melons: eat them alone, or leave them alone! They digest really quickly.) And then I am going to whip up some raw food entrees to get me through the week, and even get the dehydrator going. Even if I don't eat the heavier food (and I am going to try not to for at least until day 7 post feast) I want to feed it to the teens so I won't have to deal with cooked temptation any more. At least if it's raw temptation, the consequences are much smaller if I "sample" some. Nora loves her some raw nori rolls filled with Cilantro-Lime pate. Joe is a sucker for raw ice creem. (Who isn't?) We all like raw crackers and kale chips. And the crackers I love take forever to dehydrate and are mostly veggies anyway (Abeba The Krazy Kracker Lady's Bar-b-q chips which are really a version of flax cracker.)

Oh, about that blood test? My cholesterol is back up to 206! (It was down to 140 before, but that was on medication + vegan diet.) Ok, color me bummed. Because I just got off a 40 day juice feast, and if that isn't healthy and low-fat then nothing is. And I haven't had any animal products in so, so long. There is no dietary cholesterol coming in, AT ALL. None. Zilch. Nada.

Which can only mean that I am still making too much, myself. I do have a gene that causes "Familial Hyper Lipidemia." My daughter has it too, but my son dodged the bullet. (My mom has it also. Her cholesterol was so high the first time they tested, they did it twice to see if the test malfunctioned. She is SOOOO not vegan...) This gene causes your own liver to make too much cholesterol, and unfortunately, it's the "bad" kind, the LDL. (It also makes it much more likely that you will be overweight, but I refuse to use that as an excuse!)

Alright, this means war. Me against the gene. My doctor wants me to go back on the statin drug, of course. She would, wouldn't she?! lol I am going to try dietary approaches: I am eating 1-2 cloves of garlic a day, plus chia seeds in my smoothies AND pysillium. I am going to research more dietary cures, but those I know about off the top of my head. (Anyone want to suggest others?)

Ok, your mission, if you choose to accept it: Design an emergency plan (if you don't already have one) and tell me about it in the comments.