Just a quickie since I have 4 teenage boys sleeping on my floor who are going to wake up and want breakfast soon. (Last night we had a party/sleepover for my 15 yr old. It was fun! They played Rock Band on the Wii and they are actually good singers--several of them are in a band, and the other two are musical theatre geeks like I was in school. The musicians brought their actual guitars too, so my house was filled with joy and music and energy.)
I have amped up my raw again, and as a result I am going through some nasty detox right now, in the form of an outbreak of boils in places no one should have them! This sucks. It is painful, embarrassing, annoying, and a little bit scary. I know what to do for them, and I am not deterred from eating raw at all. I know my body is just getting rid of toxicity and that I will be better off when I come out on the other side of this. Still, it is really no fun to have a literal pain in the butt!
Now that I've asked God to relieve my compulsions and He's done it, I wonder how to think of myself. Am I still a food addict? If I say that I am, does that dishonor and discount what He's done for me? What does that say to my brain, also? Do I really want to claim the reality of food addict? Won't my unconscious just respond by saying, "Well she says she's addicted and that's what she's expecting, so that must be what she wants more of. Better give it to her." I believe that I am free, healed and whole, in and through the power of Christ. 40 years I suffered and stumbled, and He saved me and helped me save myself. I want to shout my miracle out from the mountain tops! ("I can make chocolate cupcakes and not want any! I haven't had fast food for 4 months! I've released 60 pounds of pain and it wasn't even hard!") But the 12-step community says that we are never healed, we are only "recovering" and if you believe otherwise you are in denial. They say that I must count the days, and that I have far too few to "count."
There was a time when I was most assuredly addicted to certain foods, and to the behavior of overeating. Foods are full of chemicals, naturally occurring, and in the garbage I was eating, lots of ones are added too. They definitely affect our serotonin, insulin, hormones, mood and emotions. I don't deny that I was powerless, or that my life had become unmanageable. My addiction almost killed me.
I know I must rely on God and be obedient to His leadings, to stay well out of the behavior that was such a snare for my soul. I am not fooling myself. If I go back to eating what I was eating and in the quantities I did, I would surely be back where I started.
But for today, I claim that I am free. I am happy, I am whole. I am healed by the Great Physician, and His work only has good side-effects. :) I am a Christian who *used to* struggle with addiction. That is the reality I claim for myself now!