Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Day Six- Cheater Weigh-In

I told myself I would weigh in every 10 days, but I have been a little nervous eating all these nuts and avacados, usually a diet no-no. So today I weighed in and surprise! I am 369! Remember Day One was 378. I have lost 9 pounds in 6 days! I will fear the lovely avacado no more. Almonds? Yes please.

Just for some history, my highest weight ever was 406. I have been fat all my life. I have tried almost anything you can think of to lose weight, including fasting for 10 days. Always I have success for a time, and then the emotional issues I have make me mess up and then give up. I am hoping that by having a numerical goal of a certain number of days, it will help me to get back on the horse if I end up falling off.

Tonight, I got really really hungry because I hadn't eaten enough in the afternoon and it was past eight when I got home because of the bus. I went for my sweet and sour tofu, which is cooked food. I didn't eat too much because my daughter saw me and took it away. I don't really feel like a failure, because I never said I would be 100% raw, just that I would try my best and be as raw as I could. Obviously, I need to not make my favorite dishes for a while until I am stronger. That was some pretty obvious self-sabotage. Also, I don't think it is a coincidence that it happened after I weighed in yesterday. Weigh ins freak me out a little even when I am doing great. I do want to lose weight, sincerely, strongly, but obviously there is some unconcious part of me that wants me to stay fat, or I would not be this fat. I need to keep my focus on just being healthy and not worry whether or not it is showing on the scale. I think eliminating weigh ins for a while will help that.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Day Five-Frustration

I am not really frustrated by my new way of eating, but by other crap going on in my life, like my van breaking down again. It is an old, crappy van and it keeps having things go wrong. Its so funny that yesterday I said that I wanted to ride my bike everywhere. But actually I have a daughter that I need to pick up at night from Dance Team and I have a son with late night rehearsals for theatre and it doesn't seem like a great idea to be without a car for those times.

One thing I hate as a single mom is that I feel like I have no one to turn to when stuff happens. Like, right now, I have one toilet that won't refill with water automatically when it is flushed, you have to take the lid off the tank and mess with it. My dryer died and I haven't been able to get a new one. And now, here it goes with the car again.

I am eternally grateful to God that He has sustained my strength through all this and not allowed me to be tempted by bad foods. I used to eat tons of fast food. Even when I was a vegetarian, I got 2 Seven layer burritos at Taco Bell almost every day. I spent huge amounts of money on junk foods like pizza and sweets. Now I am choosing only fruits, vegetables, and nuts and I don't even crave the other stuff by some miracle. I have no idea if it will stay this easy, but I know from past experience that once I lose my sugar craving (which usually takes about 3 days) I don't crave it at all.

On the other hand, I have been making a lot of cooked food for my kids. Today I made them both farfalle alfredo with broccoli, and a huge dish of sweet and sour tofu with pineapple, red and green peppers and onions. Do my kids love these dishes? No. They like them ok, but the one who loved them like crazy was me. Why am I deliberately tempting myself?

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Day Four--Festive and Raw at the Festival

Today we took my mom to the Polish festival in N. Portland. It was really fun, and I had no trouble saying no to the polish sausage and stuffed cabbage rolls because I planned ahead and brought some fruit and almonds to munch on. We watched the dancers and I couldn't help but think how much I would love it if I could lose enough weight that I could be doing the polka and having a blast next year. I want to be one of those people who rides her bike everywhere, even commutes to work by bike, and does fun things with her kids. I'm sick of watching while they go on waterslides without me, ride go-carts with out me, take the boat out that I'm afraid to go in because I may lose my balance, or worse, sink it. I always said we'd go backpack around Europe when my daughter was 16. Well that's only a few months off and I not only is it way more expensive now, I also know it would be a big drag for me right now because I'm so fat. I've given up so much of my life to food. My children have been robbed of the kind of mom they should have had. Worse, I've cheated myself. If raw food can deliver me from this, cooked food will never even tempt me again.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Day Three- My First SAD Slip-up

Today I had a smoothie for breakfast: peach, banana and orange juice. Today I bought some spinach so I will try adding that to my smoothie tomorrow. I was at my son's theatre making costumes all day, so I packed my lunch: two nectarines, raspberries, and raw almonds. But after theatre we went to my ex-MIL's house for dinner and she served homemade thin crust pizza with fresh tomatoes from her garden along with a salad and watermelon and cookies for dessert. I didn't want to tell her about going raw (I'm only on day 3 here people!) and I didn't want to hurt her feelings by not taking any of the pizza so I took the smallest possible piece and filled up on spinach salad and melon. I am proud of me for skipping the cookies--they were Milanos and looked good.

So only day three and already I am not 100% raw but I wouldn't change what I did. I am going to try making flax crackers and sunflower cheese and guacamole (I bought a non-rotten onion!) and maybe mess around with trying to make that cilantro-lime pate I love so much and have it as salad wraps. I am getting hungry writing about all this good food!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Day Two- Getting Easier Except Detox

Today was a little easier than yesterday. Yesterday I ate fruit all day with a salad for lunch and some raw almonds. That's it. I felt this weird feeling of being stuffed but not satisfied. It's a little like I felt when I first became a vegetarian after being a serious carnivore. It just felt like something was missing and that I hadn't really eaten.

I have a headache today that nothing will touch. I don't know how much of that is bad posture at work and how much is detox, but of course I suspect that detox has a lot to do with it. Yesterday I had tons of energy despite not getting enough sleep. Today? Nope. I'm tired and my head hurts.

Breakfast was 3 nectarines and more raw cashews than I care to confess to. Lunch I decided to go to The Blossoming Lotus and order a "live sampler" (all raw food.) When I got there, I found out they only serve the sampler for dinner, so I had a live wrap. It was their scrumptious cilantro lime pate (which I can't find a recipe for anywhere. Damn!) on and cucumber and avacado in some sort of lettuce wrap. It was delicious but a little small and $8. Still I felt a lot more satisfied. For dinner I made myself some guac out of one avacado, some tomatoes I grew and some sea salt. My onion was rotten so no onion for me. :( I ate it with flax crackers I got at People's Grocery Co-op. I love that place but I am worried about affording all these raw nuts. I cannot frickin believe these nuts cost $16 a pound, some of them. Sheesh. It makes me really determined to go find a nut orchard and go you-picking. But I did meet a nice raw-food guy at People's who told me he sells raw meals at the farmer's market. I will have to try his food. Looking forward to that.

I have no idea if I can afford this raw eating. I think I ate too much at dinner. I would have been happy with half as much. I ordered "Rawsome" and "Raw Food Made Easy" plus I have the internet for recipes so I am going to try some of them. I have never been much of a cook, but I will try.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Day One--I'm Not So Sure About This!

Today I started out on my RAW adventure. I didn't really have time to prepare much, so I just ended up eating a boatload of fruit all day and a salad and some raw almonds for lunch. I did a pretty lousy job getting ready, and yet I had success all day. I kind of can't believe I made it. Anyway, it is late now and I am tired so I will write tomorrow with all my reasons for going raw.

Ok, I'm back. Did you miss me? So here are some reasons I decided to go raw:

1. Weight Loss: I weigh 378 pounds (in clothes and shoes) and I am only 5'3". That makes me morbidly obese. Morbid, as in, "You're gonna die." I don't want to die; I am only 38 and I am a single mom to two awesome teenagers. I need to get this weight off, like NOW, and I believe I can do it safely and healthfully eating raw fruits, veggies, and sprouted nuts and seeds. I've been really impressed with many of the stories I've heard of people who have released hundreds of pounds following this diet. I want to be one of them.
2. I want a Healthy Choelesterol lipid profile and get off of meds
3. I want Better Skin-I still have acne and I'm 38 for Pete's sake. How long is this adolescence going to last?!
4. I want to be the picture of Radiant Health
5. For my life I need Tons of Energy

My friend Chasmyn (aka Purple Goddess) went raw and it really intrigued me since she is someone I really admire and who shares many of my values about respecting the earth, and eating healthfully. When she came to Portland for a visit, we went to a restaurant called The Blossoming Lotus that served raw food. It sounded disgusting but I figured, what the hell, its only one meal. I got the raw sampler, and it was to die for. Sooooo good. I never expected it to be so yummy. I had raw pizza, raw pad thai, raw cilantro-lime pate (my fave) and all kinds of other delishious treats. It was quite simply, one of the best meals I have ever eaten. I thought, I can do this! I love this food! I could seriously get healthy and eat this delicious stuff. I went back to being a vegetarian (but not raw) for a while, but kept reading Chasmyn's raw blog. Through that I got turned on to Bunny Berry, who is one of the most likeable, funny people you could ever hope to meet. I got hooked on her vlogs on youtube. That was it. I decided I could try this for 100 days like Bunny.

What have I gotten myself into?!