Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Day Six- Cheater Weigh-In

I told myself I would weigh in every 10 days, but I have been a little nervous eating all these nuts and avacados, usually a diet no-no. So today I weighed in and surprise! I am 369! Remember Day One was 378. I have lost 9 pounds in 6 days! I will fear the lovely avacado no more. Almonds? Yes please.

Just for some history, my highest weight ever was 406. I have been fat all my life. I have tried almost anything you can think of to lose weight, including fasting for 10 days. Always I have success for a time, and then the emotional issues I have make me mess up and then give up. I am hoping that by having a numerical goal of a certain number of days, it will help me to get back on the horse if I end up falling off.

Tonight, I got really really hungry because I hadn't eaten enough in the afternoon and it was past eight when I got home because of the bus. I went for my sweet and sour tofu, which is cooked food. I didn't eat too much because my daughter saw me and took it away. I don't really feel like a failure, because I never said I would be 100% raw, just that I would try my best and be as raw as I could. Obviously, I need to not make my favorite dishes for a while until I am stronger. That was some pretty obvious self-sabotage. Also, I don't think it is a coincidence that it happened after I weighed in yesterday. Weigh ins freak me out a little even when I am doing great. I do want to lose weight, sincerely, strongly, but obviously there is some unconcious part of me that wants me to stay fat, or I would not be this fat. I need to keep my focus on just being healthy and not worry whether or not it is showing on the scale. I think eliminating weigh ins for a while will help that.

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