Day Twenty-Two: Ouch

Ok, first things first, I forgot to post this on Day 20:
Day 20 10/14/08 20% Complete and Weigh-In

So twenty days of RAW has me thinking that this is not so tough. The hungry days are mostly over, I think. I've got a handle on the uncooking. I am really digging the youtube cooking demos by Ani Phyo. It makes me want to try something bigger, like raw apple pie. Doesn't that sound yummay?

I never thought that my kids would want to join me on this journey, but to my surprise and delight my teen daughter is really getting into it. I catch her snacking on raw dates and almond butter and she happily downs my smoothies and is game to try my creations. She was the first person in my house to go vegetarian (at the tender age of 5 she told me she would not eat a cow and she has never wavered) so I guess it should not surprise me, but it does. I love having the support.

Ok, are you ready for the big weigh-in? I sure was! And my current weight is: 359 lbs! I have released 20 lbs in 20 days. Wow. And I am 47 pounds down from my highest weight of 406. I really feel like I am on my way, and I am excited for the next twenty days!

Now today's update:

Yesterday was a hard day for me, but I was proud of myself in a weird way, too. So after releasing almost 50 lbs I felt like it was time to look at some of the clothes that I put away when I outgrew them. I got rid of most of them, but there were a few I kept, and one was a wrap dress with a neat black and white print. Now, this dress was never loose on me, it is meant to be form-fitting. I tried it on, and lo, it fit! I was excited and showed my daughter. "Should I wear this?" I asked her. "It kind of shows how big my butt is and my stomache." "Mom it looks pretty on you. You should wear it. I'm proud of you." So I decided to go ahead and wear it to work and just get over myself.

So I'm at work, and already I'm a little uncomfortable because the wrap style of the dress makes it gap and become lower-cut in the front when I am sitting down at my desk. So I was messing with it all day, to keep from flashing the patients. Then as I was going to lunch, my co-worker (whom I am not close with outside of work) pulled me aside and said, "That dress is not doing anything for you. I'm just trying to be honest." I was stunned, and I stammered, "oh, well, I was not sure about wearing it..." and she said, "Maybe when you lose some weight it will look better." Ok then. I have lost weight. I just have a lot more to go. I managed to get out of there and not boo hoo by forcing myself to smile really huge. My confidence took a real hit. On the one hand, you don't want to walk around looking stupid and you want people to be honest. On the other hand, why does she care if my dress is flattering or not? It's not like it was not appropriate for work. *sigh*

I will just trust my body to let go of the weight as it wants to. I will not freak out, and I will not cry, or God forbid, go back to eating Taco Bell and Mickey D's. I will love myself, just as I am, and give my body the fuel it needs to heal and be happy.