Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Juicy Life--Day 19 of My 40 Day Juice Feast

I don't know what possessed me to write about my juice feast as my Facebook status. I guess I thought maybe I could spread the good word and make someone get intrigued. The response has mostly been positive, some of it funny. One guy that I've known since second grade but have not been close to asked, "do hops count?" as in beer. lol He always was hilarious! I've only gotten one, "oh that's dangerous" type of response, from someone I know only through my sister. The irony is, this lady chose to have a gastric bypass. I support anyone who decides to go that route, because I know it's tough, but oh my zebra, talk about dangerous. That is a life-threatening operation. This is a few weeks of highly nutritious veggie juice. Again, I'm kinda wishing I could take back that status...I'm not sure my wider circle is ready for a health-nut Mallory. They are used to fast-food train wreck Mallory. Another Facebook friend asked how I could possibly stay on just juice and I answered, "I can do all things through Christ." So bam! I'm coming out as not just a health nut but a Christian one to boot, lol. Also will be quite the surprise for people who grew up with me and only knew me in my er, "wild youth"! Now I'm laughing 'cuz the cat's out of the pajamas now!

I'm having a tough time getting in 4 quarts of juice a day. Sometimes I can only manage 2. The juice does not taste *as* bad to me, but let's just say, I'm not going to be serving cucumber/kale at my next party. I've definitely gotten used to it. I really like it best when it has a base of mostly tomatoes.

I am finally getting that surge of energy people talk about. Yesterday, I had a "power surge" on the treadmill. I walked faster than I ever have before, and felt great! I even questioned if the treadmill speed gauge was accurate, and changed to another one. But no, it was me! I was cruising right along, a good half a mile faster than normal, and feeling awesome, hardly even got winded.

I am still having an end-of-day crash, when I get super tired right around when it is time to come home, make the kids' dinner, get my chores done, etc. I tried drinking more juice at that time, and it helped somewhat. I'll try that again today.

What Day I'm On: 19 out of 40--almost half-way!

How It's Going: I've really got a lot of peace around it: This is what I am doing. It is not forever, and it is doing me a world of good. This is like crazy extreme self-care: I am spending money on me. I am spending time on me. Those are the single-mom's most precious commodities. I am treating myself with the loving kindness I would lavish on my precious child. That includes loving limits too.

Detox? Not really.

Emotional Detox:
Just feeling like I'm standing naked in the school yard because I am coming out to the world. It sounds funny, but I feel pretty vulnerable, even about the weight loss. Being huge, ironically, makes you kind of invisible. Any big change brings a lot of a attention. I'm embarrassed because I've taken off more than 100 lbs and I still have 150 to go. I don't mention the "150 more" part, but still, people look at me and do the math in their head and gasp. I don't mention the number of pounds off unless people press. I get the feeling people have no idea what people really weigh. I immediately apologize, "I've taken off over a hundred but I have a long, long way to go." Like, "don't worry! I know I'm still fat!" Honestly, how DID I ever let it get so bad? All I can say is that I left my Brat home alone, and she really trashed the place. I don't know if I can ever really trust myself not to go back there. It's a shadow that looms over me. Promise you won't let me?!

Advice From Penni:
I've not talked with Dave (I've called and texted but I believe he's either on the road or crazy busy with the event he's coordinating.) No worries--I know he's got my back. He says I don't need as much hand-holding as most people. Little does he know, I've got all of you to hold my hand! So I am going to point out one of the best pieces of advice I ever got from Penni: If you look for explanations for why your life is screwed up, you will find them. You may determine it's because of your child hood, because of abuse issues, because you have a compulsive nature, it's a disease, you have health issues, yadda yadda yadda. These may all be legit, but they have one thing in common: knowing WHY will never serve you if you let it be an excuse not to change. We all have baggage. We all have a burden we carry and a history. Use that energy to get OUT of the hole, not to figure out HOW you got there. You got there, because at some point, you gave YOURSELF permission to be there. Revoke that permission! Get the best you back in charge. As long as you love your pain more than you love yourself, you cannot grow, and it can't get better.

(ok, Penni put this much nicer and more positive, but honestly, I needed a swift kick to the rear at the time, and this is what I got out of her eloquent advice!)

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