I just want to thank you, from my heart, for all the uplifting, compassionate responses to my post yesterday. I think it is important to tell our stories. First, so that we ourselves can have our testimony and feel that victory of overcoming:
I thought I was broken, but I can heal.
I thought I was worthless, and now I know my own worth as a precious, cherished child of God.
I had a river of rage; now in its place run healing streams of acceptance, forgiveness and strength.
I thought that I was a lost cause; but now I know I am never lost, I can always find my way home.
I also wanted to tell my story because there are a lot of walking wounded all around us. You might not be able to see the scars, but they are there. If you also experienced abuse, from a parent, from a lover or a spouse; if someone who was supposed to love you and cherish you instead betrayed that sacred responsibility and hurt you, please know this, from my heart: It isn't your fault. No matter what they tell you, it just isn't. You are precious. You are worthy. You are lovable. And you are not broken, you can heal. You can get past it and go on to create a beautiful life. Never give up. Know that there is love enough: even for this. Even for you. And I will not fail to notice that your loving is a miracle. I love you.
What Day I'm On: 23 out of 40, 57% percent of the way
How's It Going: Still slogging along. I would really like some solid food! lol Even a green smoothie would be great. The aromas of foods wafting and torturing my olefactory system is the hardest. I really wish that I were in a position that I did not have to prepare food for anyone else. You could argue that my kids are teenagers, very capable of making their own food. But I view choosing and preparing their food as an act of love. I like planning it out, anticipating how much they are going to enjoy it, and thinking about all the great nutrition I am giving them. They tell me how much they appreciate it too. I spend a lot of time away from them, working; making their meals is a small way for me to nurture them and connect with them on a daily basis. Plus, I don't want to make this juice feast a huge "thing" and be all diva about it. "I have to be excused from all my responsibilities! I'm fasting, you know!" Still, I won't lie; it is hard. That just makes the victory all the sweeter!
Detox? Itching on my torso. Wondering if it could be from any of my supplements? Or just detox? Hmmm...a mystery! It's not fun but it's totally bearable. I have little pimple-like cysts in my underarms. Progress! I used to get huge boils, bigger than a half-dollar and hugely painful. Now, just wee little bumps that don't bother me.
Now I am wondering about the wisdom of cataloging my detox symptoms. I started doing it just to observe and document to give myself evidence that detox was happening--proof that what I am doing is working and worth it. But if we know that what you focus on expands--well, I don't want a healing crisis expansion! Thoughts? Do I continue? Is there value in it?
Emotional Detox? I think we've had just about enough of that for one week. I'm heading back to the shallow end of the pool for now!
Inspiration: This is a new category I'm adding because it so exciting for me to see, as I am moving the junk OUT, and clearing a path, what is coming IN. I am waking up in the middle of the night again, not because of anxiety attacks, but because I am getting such awesome ideas I just have to get them down. I am definitely writing a book! It is writing itself--it is fun and not a fight to get it down. I am in the flow! I wish I could "flow" and still manage 7 hrs of sleep, though. :)
Another thought: Yesterday, I was driving Nora to her job and all of the sudden, smoke or steam (don't know which one yet, but I'm rooting for steam!) started just pouring out from under my hood! I managed to get her to work and me back to work (I was only a couple of blocks away, so I risked it.) I got it towed home. This is my 3rd episode of car repairs this year! Is someone trying to tell me to walk more and take the bus?! lol
A new car is out of the question. Not happening. I don't even know how I'm going to afford to repair this one. Again. Why do cars always have such great timing?!
I have to have a working car because Joe starts rehearsing for the fall show. He has been doing community theatre since he was 8 yrs old. He's a really talented comedic actor and was an excellent dancer before his operation put him out of commission for a year. Even knowing that he was having surgery, the directors invited him to be a part of their "Elite Travel Troupe" (that's really what its called, lol) and he will be performing at the International Youth Festival in Aberdeen, Scotland next year. Anyway, the bus doesn't go by where we rehearse and anyway, sometimes rehearsal goes to 11 pm or later. Not a great time to take an hour or more bus trip! So I guess I will give up my fantasies of losing my mechanic's number. At least I'm helping someone finance his summer home! lol